The Wardrobe Door

An angry young man

2011-05-29T02:03:00.000-04:00

I am angry.

Not like, "man I'm pissed right now," but angry as a state of being. All of the symptoms are there: anger...

So anyway.

Just kidding. Anger comes with a host of side effects. Frustration, impatience, jealousy, envy, paranoia. Fear. It's all there. All the time. Just bubbling. Festering. I've always had a short fuse, thanks to my dad and, well, me. My mom said that my temper was so bad when I was a kid that she was afraid I was going to end up in jail. I kind of relaxed as I grew, but it was always still there. Like the time in high school when I shoved my friend Trae. Trae was 6'6", 350 lbs. And I just pushed him as hard as I could. Not that it really helped. And luckily he was really cool and didn't kill me, because he really could have. Like, grabbed my head and crushed it. And I know I have a big head, but he has really big hands. He went on to play football for Mississippi State, and now he's a dentist. Random, I know. But his dad is a dentist, too. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah.

I think it if it was JUST anger, I could deal with it easily. Maybe. But add in the paranoia, the frustration, the fear, and it just becomes overwhelming. I wrote a while back how enraged I get over injustice, but I get enraged over all kinds of things. The worst is when I'm thinking about things that happened a long time ago that don't matter anymore and that involve people who aren't even a part of my life anymore, and the memory of these events gets my blood boiling. I feel like most people would pass these memories over, but for me they are stabbed into my mind with a knife and are not going anywhere.

Case in point: I got an email today. The email made me angry, paranoid, and frustrated. In one sentence. ONE. SENTENCE. And the freaking email was about church stuff. And the sender was one of my best friends. Nothing is sacred. There is no relief, no escape from this monster. Nothing in this life.

I desire peace. Not in this world, because there will never be peace in this world. Ever. But I desire internal peace. The peace that only the Spirit of God can bring.

2011-03-02T09:00:00.002-05:00

I always want to blog. Seriously. I think about it almost every day. But by the time I have time to sit down at my once-amazing computer and type something, the desire is gone, overcome by tiredness, stress, lonliness, or the incredible task of catching my blog up with my life.

So screw it. I'm just going to put my iTunes on shuffle. You're welcome.

Compared to What – John Legend and the Roots (I just got this album on Amazon's awesome $5 albums email. I love Legend and everybody knows the Roots are amazing (just watch Jimmy Kimmel), and these two work together SO well.)

The Grand Ol’ Waltz – Pigeon John (My favorite rapper on the planet. I actually don't know this song. I mean I've heard it, but I can't go word-for-word like a lot of his other ones. Still awesome, though.)

If I Could – Seal (You would think this would be a low-point on the list, but it's not. I love Seal. Kiss From A Rose is one of the best songs of all times. On one of the best soundtracks ever, especially considering the movie.)

(RABBIT TRAIL - Is there a better soundtrack than Batman Forever? Consider the artists: U2, Seal, Method Man, The Offspring, PJ Harvey, Mazzy Star, Sunny Day Real Estate, The Flaming Lips, Nick Cave, MASSIVE ATTACK. I know, right? Probably my favorite U2 song ever, which is saying something. One of the best Massive Attack songs ever, PJ Harvey in her heyday, Method man is always good...you get the point.)

Run – Project 86 (I saw Star Wars Episode 1 with these guys. And Blindside. Name drop!)

Exaltation – Matisyahu (I still haven't heard Matis' most recent album. Light, or something like that.)

All In the Suit You Wear – Stone Temple Pilots (This song is really good and I'd never heard it. It's on their greatest hits album from several years ago, newly written for that.)

Back on Plastic – Awex (Pretty decent song from Trance Dance '96. My graduation year. I know.)

Pretty Nights – Blindside (I saw Star Wars Epis...oh right. Sorry.)

December – Weezer (Back when they were decent, but after they were awesome.)

Don’t Ask Me Why – Eurythmics (An example of a song I've had on my computer for years and probably have never listened to. However, the Eurythmics are one of my more favoriter bands from the 80's. Yes I remember the 80's. Vividly.)

Moon River – Havalina Rail Co (Despite how much I like Havalina, I'm surpised by how many songs of theirs I hear that I don't care for. This one is in the middle.)
(Another rabbit trail: I met Pigeon John while watching Havalina Rail Co (he was friends with the bass player, Orlando), and we ended up leaving together to go watch Switchfoot when they were playing the intermission for Five Iron at Cornerstone '99. I introduced myself by telling him I knew Jo. :) Haha.)

The Second Time Around – Frank Sinatra (I mean, YEAH.)

In the Fold – The Embers/Hannah Daugherty (Great worship band from Campbellsville, KY, and friends of mine. Great songwriters, and Hannah's voice kinda makes me swoon. Not in the creepy way.)

The River Runs Low – Bruce Hornsby and the Range (Most people only know these guys from that song that Tupac rewrote and sold a billion copies of, but he was a solid songwriter and they were a great band.)

It’s Going Down – The Cross Movement (A Christian rap group with a larger vocabulary than me. Or you. Or anybody you know.)

Tangled – Maroon 5 (As much as I hate the memories attached to this album, these guys just write some sexy, sexy songs.)

Fallible – Blues Traveler (Without a doubt, my favorite song on this list. I am an unabashed fan, long before anyone ever heard Four and long after everyone quit listening. Not trying to be a music snob. I just love this band.)

For You – Michael W. Smith (You'd think I'd be embarrassed about this song being on here. You'd be right.)

It Takes Two – Soundtrack to Into the Woods (First thing I ever auditioned for that I was turned down for. Oh yeah.)

Momma Cried – Alison Krauss (Despite this album not being a Union Station album, they are all over it. Good thing. I'm still mad at her for making that stupid album with Robert Plant.)

Shine With Me – P.O.D. (I'm just truly, truly sorry. I should have deleted this crap off my computer.)

Cheerleaders – Pigeon John (Old PJ song, maybe one of my top 5 of all time.)

Restaurants – Mitch Hedberg (Mitch was just on another level. This was from a posthumous album, recorded when he was in the clubs trying to work out his new material. It was raw and unpolished and you got to see a side of stand-up comedy that most people never see. I like to think if I had grown up with motivation that I could have done something like that. I've always loved stand-up so much, and wished I could have done it.)

Faith on the Table – Martin Sexton (My friend Cookie (not a stripper) introduced me to him. I thought I had never heard him before until she took me to a concert and he performed a song of his that they used on Scrubs (the really fast-talking song they used in the "dance" section of their montage episode. Yep.) (Here it is. A couple of things. 1) I hate flashback episodes. They are lazy. However, this is one of the best uses of the flashback ever. I laugh every time I watch it. 2) This song mentions Waynesboro, a small little town about 15 miles south of where I'm sitting right now.)

I’m Gonna Find Another You – John Mayer (I've been listening to him a lot lately. There's not a bigger idiot in the entertainment industry anywhere, except maybe Kanye. But there's also probably not anyone more talented on the guitar. Also like Kanye. You know, making the raps. They should form a supergroup. The Talented Douches. "It's douchey-good times!")

An excerpt...

2011-01-04T20:25:00.000-05:00

Russians - A people with such "thirsty" souls

For me, to preach the gospel to the Russians is heaven on earth. I have preached the gospel to men of many nations, but I have never seen a people drink in the gospel like the Russians. They have such thirsty souls.

An Orthodox priest, a friend of mine, telephoned me and told me that a Russian officer had come to him to confess. My friend did not know Russian. However, knowing that I speak Russian, he had given him my address. The next day this man came to see me. He longed for God, but he had never seen a Bible. He had no religious education and never attended religious services (churches in Russia then were very scarce). He loved God without the slightest knowledge of Him.

I read to him the Sermon on the Mount and the parables of Jesus. After hearing them, he danced around the room in rapturous joy proclaiming, "What a wonderful beauty! How could I live without knowing this Christ!" It was the first time that I saw someone so joyful in Christ.

Then I made a mistake. I read to him the passion and crucifixion of Christ, without having prepared him for this. He had not expected it and, when he heard how Christ was beaten, how He was crucified and that in the end He died, he fell into an armchair and began to weep bitterly. He had believed in a Savior and now his Savior was dead.

I looked at him and was ashamed. I had called myself a Christian, a pastor, and a teacher of others, but I had never shared the sufferings of Christ as this Russian officer now shared them. Looking at him, it was like seeing Mary Magdalene weeping at the foot of the cross, faithfully weeping when Jesus was a corpse in the tomb.

Then I read to him the story of the resurrection and watched his expression change. He had not known that his Savior arose from the tomb. When he heard this wonderful news, he beat his knees and swore - using very dirty, but very "holy" profanity. This was his crude manner of speech. Again he rejoiced, shouting for joy, "He is alive! He is alive!" He danced around the room once more, overwhelmed with happiness.

I said to him, "Let us pray!" He did not know how to pray. He did not know our "holy" phrases. He fell on his knees together with me and his words of prayer were: "Oh God, what a fine chap you are! If I were You and You were me, I would never have forgiven You of Your sins. But You are really a very nice chap! I love You with all of my heart!"

I think that all the angels in heaven stopped what they were doing to listen to this sublime prayer...

- from Tortured for Christ, by Richard Wurmbrand

hopes and dreams

2010-12-28T00:40:00.000-05:00

screw all that. this year i'm working on goals.

i'm fairly organized when it comes to a lot of aspects in my life, so why not in my brain. i've decided to set goals for myself for this year. personally, physically, mentally, spiritually. in fact, while i'm at work tonight, i'll be working on that. i've never been much of a goals person, so this will be a unique challenge for me. i'm mostly trying not to stare at the top of the mountain from the ground.

what are your goals for this year? what should mine be?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

top 5 goals i've ever achieved:
1. drumline captain
2. ran 3 miles
3. I uh...
4. um...
5. ...

see what i mean?

absolutely

2010-12-15T00:23:00.004-05:00

Double dream hands, y'all.

Do I have NAD?

2010-12-06T03:23:00.000-05:00

Permaybe.

I'm working the graveyard shift at Holiday Inn Express these days. I was just talking to Kristen about possibly having seasonal affective disorder. She said, "Maybe you have seasonal affective disorder, only the nighttime version. Maybe you have NAD."

I snickered.

So I got into the X-ray Tech program at Augusta Tech. There were 300 candidates and 15 spots. The upside is that in a year and a half, I'll be making good money. The downside is that for the next 18 months, my scrubs color will be "grape." With solid white shoes. Oh joy.

I told Beardyface about this and he laughed. His scrubs are black. Why do OTA's get to have all the cool things? His program is basically arts and crafts anyway. They should make HIM wear grape.

Well I was running three times a week for a solid two months, and then I hurt my knee and haven't been able to get back into it. I had lost some weight, but I feel like I've gained it back. I've got to get going again. I will not survive school if I don't stay healthy. I was feeling really good there for a while. Now I feel like crap. I would probably enjoy night shift more if I were exercising regularly too.

So, school starts January 5th. In the meantime, I've got to get a lot of shots and a physical, a background check, and fill out a bunch of paperwork. Also, the chamber chorus I sing in, Augusta Collegium Musicum, has two Christmas shows in the next two weeks, so that will be a lot of fun.

Here's hoping I can get some more sleep.

Ahhhhh....

2010-11-27T15:57:00.000-05:00

I really like this new template. In fact, I'm quite impressed with a lot of Blogger's new templates. But this one just makes me feel good. So it will be this one for a while.

And maybe...JUST maybe...I'll actually post some things on it.

Okay then.

(PS - I've been working 3rd shift at Holiday Inn Express on the overnight shift, I got into the X-ray Tech program, and I had been running for a couple of months, but I took some time off to rest my knee and can't get back into it. Done.)

2010-10-23T05:41:00.001-04:00

Woo! I'm posting from my phone!

And God said...

2010-05-19T02:04:00.005-04:00

Good job on your Anatomy test, little buddy!

This is your birthday song...

2010-05-19T00:16:00.003-04:00

It isn't very long. HEY!

Happy birthday to my longtime friend and brother, former roommate, and guitar legend, Rodger Otero. You may be a month and a half behind me, but you're wiser than I'll ever be. I'm glad to call you my friend.

Jeff

2010-05-17T22:38:00.002-04:00

One of my closest friends in the universe (not to mention my pastor), just wrote a new post on the church website, and I wanted to share it with you. It is heart-wrenching, but encouraging.

HEY! NO FAIR!

2010-05-14T13:21:00.002-04:00

In my eternal quest to figure out what the hell is wrong with me (a quest that has been in high gear this decade), I've been picking apart how I interact with people, and why I am constantly angry.

I have been trying to find the deeper meaning behind things. Not just, "I'm pissed because that guy cut me off in traffic," but more of, "I'm pissed because I have an overdeveloped sense of vengeance, and that's going to get me into trouble someday." (Princess Bride? No? Hookay.)

My friend Jeff talks about his kids a lot, and one of my favorite things is that they are not allowed to use the word "fair" in their house. Like it's a cuss, or something. Which I love. I wish he could put that rule on me, too. I've looked at my life for so long and thought, "It's just not fair." Why didn't I turn out like that? Why couldn't I have done that or experienced that? Why can't things have gone differently or better for me? Stupid, I know. But I think we all do it. Look back in regret or remorse at things, big or small, and wonder why they couldn't have gone differently. Maybe it's just me. But I can think of a dozen things off the top of my head.

And is it any wonder? I'm not making any excuse, but we live in a society filled to the brim with victimology. They should stamp it on our money. People sue because they feel they are a victim of some crime (and to make a quick buck). Entitlement runs rampant in this culture, because people feel the need for justice.

I am definitely a product of my mother. My mom is a wonderful lady, a caring, compassionate, giving woman who married three d-bags and raised me for the most part on her own. And I have found that I am more like her than I can ever imagine. Including her feeling like the world is against her and nobody loves her. Now, she knows this isn't true and so do I, but the feelings rise up in the moments when we (the universal "we") let our guard down, when the world is crashing around us and all is lost, in despair. My mom could, and perhaps does, look back on her life and say, "It's not fair." Three crap husbands, two bouts with cancer, working two jobs at 64, on and on and on. Huh. And I thought I had it rough.

I think about my mother and I want justice for her. I want justice when I read about the unfairness going on in this world, when people are swindled of their money, when people ruin other people's lives and get away with it. I get so angry! But do I get angry when I see a hungry man without food? Where is my cry for justice? Better yet, where is my cry for justice when I'm the culprit. When I hurt someone or tear someone down or wrong someone, where is my overdeveloped sence of vengeance then?

It's not there, because I've forgotten that justice is not just for the innocent, but for the guilty.

Justice -
1 a : the maintenance or administration of what is just especially
by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of
merited rewards or punishments b : judge c : the administration of law;
especially : the establishment or determination of rights according to the
rules of law or equity
2 a : the quality of being just, impartial, or fair b (1) : the principle or
ideal of just dealing or right action (2) : conformity to this principle or
ideal : righteousness c : the quality of conforming to law
3 : conformity to truth, fact, or reason : correctness

- Merriam-Webster

"...the assignment of merited rewards or punishments." Punishments. Justice is brought on the guilty and the innocent alike, and I am a guilty bastard. I mean, I'm not a killer or anything, but I do my part. I judge people, I withhold mercy, I put people down, I write people off.

And I've forgotten the most important part: There's no justice in this world, anyway. I don't mean that in the movie-quote sense, but more in the sense that justice belongs to God. We only get justice from someone higher up who can administer that justice, right? We rely on the courts to administer that justice here in America. But how often does that fail? How many innocent people are wrongly imprisoned? How many guilty people go free? People are fallible.

God is not fallible, and justice belongs to God. You should read the Bible. I did a word-search for "justice" on biblegateway.com. It is chock-full of justice-talk. And it's kinda making me laugh because I know a lot of Christians that would be choking on their words if they read all of these verses. I love this, where Jesus is yelling at the establishment:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth
of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important
matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced
the latter, without neglecting the former." -Matthew 23:23

There's a lot of talk about justice in the Old Testament, but in the New Testament, they also talk a lot about mercy, which brings me back to me. Jesus was sent to proclaim justice to the nations (Matt 12:18), and I deserve his justice. I'm a punk, and I deserve a punk's judgement, but instead, God is merciful to me. I deserve wrath, but God gives love instead. God loves me that much, that I deserve His fist, and I get His heart.

It's time for me to pass that on. To stop judging others, withholding love and asking for punishment.

I'm reminded of a call I got a few years ago. You may remember when Hussein was captured, tried, and hung on television. The butcher of Baghdad, murderer of upwards of 20 million people, getting his just rewards. A friend of mine called that afternoon, a girl who is a dear friend and was at the time learning about God, nearly in tears with an impossible question: "Could Hussein have found God?" She had been watching, and as his body hung there, she felt compassion for him. Didn't he deserve mercy, like we all do? What if someone had told him about God's mercy while he was awaiting trial, and he had sought God? Would God have had mercy on him? Yes, he would have. Can you swallow that? Can you wrap your mind around the fact that God would have mercy on Hitler? Mussolini? Manson?

Me?

It's hard for me. It's hard to understand God's mercy on those people. It's even harder to understand his mercy for me. I know my darkest thoughts.

--------------------------------------

His father was a drinker
And his mother cried in bed
Folding John Wayne's T-shirts
When the swingset hit his head
The neighbors they adored him
For his humor and his conversation
Look underneath the house there
Find the few living things
Rotting fast in their sleep of the dead
Twenty-seven people, even more
They were boys with their cars, summer jobs
Oh my God

Are you one of them?

He dressed up like a clown for them
With his face paint white and red
And on his best behavior
In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all
He'd kill ten thousand people
With a sleight of his hand
Running far, running fast to the dead
He took off all their clothes for them
He put a cloth on their lips
Quiet hands, quiet kiss
On the mouth

And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
Look beneath the floorboards
For the secrets I have hid

-John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (Sufjan Stevens)

Chewy bloggy goodness...

2010-04-20T22:31:00.002-04:00

While I'm percolating, I've added a few folks on my blogroll I'd like to call attention to.

Hero Worship is one of the blogs done by my buddy Monty. Me and Monty worked together at Organization Automobile for four years, and we quickly became good buddies and fellow avid movie and comic book enthusiasts. I don't know ANYbody that knows more about movies than Monty. Check his site out, along with the others he contributes to.

The other is The Bodie Bunch. Cindy is a wonderful mother to...39?...kids, all but one being adopted. I knew Cindy and her daughter Sarah before she ever adopted the first two girls (I think it was Saray and Deysi first, and they did NOT speak english, which was a first for me i think). And then over the next few years came, in what order I honestly don't remember, Gina and Yolie and Christy and Marcela and I think maybe I remember Joe and Daniel. It's been SO LONG since I've seen these faces. But anyway, Cindy's blog is great. She's made about 600-800 posts per year since '05, and her blog is read by hundreds of people, probably thousands, from all over. She's an amazing lady and mother.

Okay that's it.

Not-So-Mundane Filler

2010-04-20T13:34:00.005-04:00

I do have some stuff in the pipe, but while I'm deciding what I want to actually put out in the stratosphere, I just thought of a great top 5. So here goes.

(I thought of this because I just saw another of those Dennis Haysbert Allstate commercials)

Top 5 Shows They Never Should Have Taken Off The Air:
1. Arrested Development
2. The Unit
3. Firefly
4. Studio 60
5. SportsNight

Funny that Studio 60 and SportsNight were both written by Aaron Sorkin (West Wing, The American President, A Few Good Men). Man, he runs hot and cold with the public, but he's my favorite writer, with Joss Whedon (Firefly, Dollhouse, Dr. Horrible) a close second.

This list would most likely include shows like Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared, but I still haven't seen the former, and only watched the latter years later. And of course, if I called up my old roommate Sean and asked him, he would say Farscape, hands down, which, let's be honest, sucked. Here's a good list from MSN.

So, let's hear it. Which cancelled-too-early shows do you wish had never gone down?

i'm old

2010-04-03T23:36:00.000-04:00

i turned 32 today. and because i'm old, i would like to show this clip. one of my favorite moments from Scrubs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWPgFqJIXh4

Is there a CURE for A.D.D?

2010-03-13T15:14:00.003-05:00

I've been studying quite a bit lately, but as you might imagine, I get very distracted (like right this second) and can't keep a rhythm going. I'm trying not to procrastinate, but in not procrastinating, I still procrastinate. I'm going to knuckle down even harder next quarter. This quarter I'm taking Algebra, Speech, and Anatomy I, but starting in two weeks, I'll be taking Intro to Allied Health, Anatomy II, and Physics. So far, two A's and a high B in Anatomy. Finals are this coming week. I am panicking.

O_O

Alright, enough jabber-jaw. Peace out.

That's unfortunate...

2010-03-10T20:53:00.002-05:00

So, I'm at Panera, studying. There's this country dude sitting near me, kinda red, and his phone just rang. His ringtone is "I like your pants around your feet." Yeah. That's stupid Nickelback song. Well then he says, "oh, it's my mom." >_<

What is WRONG with people?

Honey

2010-03-10T18:00:00.001-05:00

I live with a couple in my church, and I've lived with them off and on over the last five or six years. And as long as I've known them, they've had one of the best dogs I've ever known. Honey is a yellow lab and former drug-sniffing dog. She has been one of the most loving, protective, and special dogs you would ever meet.

Over the last year, she had developed arthritis, and it had gotten worse over time. In the last couple of days, she had begun to not be able to go outside. Last night, Tom and Debbie made the decision that it was time to put her down, and the vet agreed. Normally, this vet tries to keep the pets alive, but in cases of spinal arthritis, there's not much left to do. Today, me and Tom and Tommy and Dan buried Honey in the pouring rain. She was a good girl, and the house is already not the same without her.

Good girl, Honey.

Hello?

2010-03-10T00:30:00.003-05:00

Hi.

What's up?

Nothing. You?

Chillin. Where you been?

Here and there. You?

School.

I thought you were dead.

I thought YOU were dead.

Funny, that.

Yeah.

Wanna hear a joke?

Sure.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Me.

That's funny.

HAPPY LAST YEAR OF THE DECADE!

2010-01-01T02:28:00.002-05:00

(not the first year of a new decade. get it?)

Seattle!

2009-12-30T23:53:00.001-05:00

So, as you know I was in Seattle the last four days.

Lots of stuff to tell, But for now I will just say this:

::GULP::

Oy vey

2009-12-27T01:50:00.000-05:00

So, I was gonna blog from the plane, since I had free wifi and all, but with my battery almost gone, I missed my opportunity. However, as I lay in my bed here in Seattle at 1:32am PST, I feel the need to regale you with a story. Reader discretion is advised (use the scary voice from TV).

My flight was leaving Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport of Doom at 9:30pm EST. I parked my car at Kyle's house and he drove me the eight minutes to the airport. As he was about to drop me off, I realized I left my phone in my car. So we went back and got it. He lives close and I was early, so no problem. Crisis averted. I skipped check-in and ticketing, blew through security, and was in E-terminal an hour and 15 minutes early. T.G.I.Friday's for dinner? Yes please! My only problem there was that when I left, the hostess said "have a nice flight," I said "YOU TOO!" Thank you Brian Regan.

The flight was good. I watched some TV, played on facebook, listened to jazz, and read Apollyon. Jeff and Mitch picked me up at midnight and we drove about 40 minutes to Puyallup. Now, they showed me around and went to bed, but me being the good eater that I am, I had to go twosie. Without all the details (you're welcome), 30 minutes later I am wet, sweating, mortified, and well, let's face it, hungry (which was unrelated). As a clue, though, I will say that

a) my nephew either sleeps really hard or turns his phone off before bed.
b) after careful searching of my brother's rather large house, I know where the plunger is.
c) I know how well Scott paper towels soak up water.

Sigh. Good night.

Christmas Day

2009-12-25T23:30:00.000-05:00

Christmas day makes me think of my dad. If you've been a longtime reader, you know that three years ago, I was with my dad while he was going through chemo. Christmas day I was with him in his hotel room in Chapel Hill, realizing a little too late that every restaurant was closed and I brought no food. If I remember correctly, I got some junk food at a random gas station for lunch, and I finally found a chinese restaurant at 10:30 pm for some dinner. I keep thinking about it, partly because it's Christmas day, and partly because I keep seeing people make fun of the fact that chinese restaurants are the only place to go eat on Christmas day. Even Jim Gaffigan made a joke about it on twitter. He makes me laugh.

My family got me four seasons of TV shows for Christmas. House, Psych, NCIS, and Firefly. Awesome. My family loves me.

ANYway. Happy Christmas everybody.

Let me 'splain

2009-12-24T19:00:00.000-05:00

No wait...es too much. Lemme sum up.

I think I've used that joke before...

Meh. So here goes.

Chicago is off. I went for eight days and I hated it. Very strange. The whole week I was just off. So I came back. Augusta never looked so good. I went to Chapel Hill, too, but home is home. I'm going to school in January, for something medical. I'm not sure what yet.

BUT, I've been doing some improv here in Augusta. Seriously. My friend Karen started a group called Say What? Improv. I missed the first six weeks because I wasn't going to be living here. But when I came back from Chicago, I made the last two practices and did the first performance. It was awesome! What a rush. I was hiLARious, and I got some really big laughs. It was great and I will be doing it a lot more. We are going to video the next one, and I'll post some on here.

Also, I did Christmas Carol again. I wasn't going to do it, but they wore me down. I didn't have any lines or anything, but I got to sing again, and that was good. It's possible that I will be in Gypsy this Spring. We'll see how that goes.

And lastly, I'm going to Seattle. I'm flying out on the 26th to see my brother and his family, and my sister. I've never been to Seattle, and I'm SUPER-stoked. I will post some pictures from my trip, especially from the Experience Music Project.

I'm not a good writer anymore. I'm going to have to work on that.

a few pics from my journey

2009-10-22T19:00:00.007-04:00

i've been in chicago since last saturday. a little of what i've seen so far.

My dinner in Evanston at Noodles & Co (oh yes. that's a cold IBC rootbeer next to it.)

A picture of the river, in the arts district. The river is awesome. The water is kinda green, though.

That's right. That bumper sticker says Patrick.

My niece, Meredith. Robert and I believe she should be in advertising.

despite trent reznor's best effort...

2009-10-09T15:00:00.007-04:00

every day is NOT exactly the same.

actually it's more like a roller coaster. one day you're up, the next day you're down. i was telling both kristen and angela yesterday that i'm just questioning everything i'm doing. can't see the point, making a huge mistake, yadda yadda yadda.

it's actually a very daunting thing, moving to chicago. it's not far away now, and it is an ever-present butterfly, flapping its wings somewhere around my pyloric antrum. next thursday is the last day of my job. and then i fly to chicago for a week to look for a NEW job (but not before i have to get three crowns in my mouth. sigh.) there are a lot of things that frighten me, but there are just as many that excite me. i've been tossing around the idea of going by a different name there, even. the chance to redefine yourself is the ultimate feng shui, i think.

i got so overwhelmed yesterday, looking for a job, that i almost called it off. and a funny thing happened. see, my biggest fear is that i'm making a huge mistake. time will tell. but in the meantime, i'm trying to trust God. see i know that no matter what i do, God will love me. and He'll take care of me. the rest is just details. but i lose sight of that (quite a bit acutally). so yesterday i get a random email from a dude, which he really didn't need to send, and there in the "signature" of his email was this:

The mind of the man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. - Prov 16:9

it's just the little things that can make a difference. i've probably read that verse before, probably multiple times. but at the right time, a simple thing can become extraordinary. a little nugget at the right time, a nice "hey I've got your back" from God, makes the difference.

more later on studying "trust" and how i can't understand God as a Father.
----------------------------------------------------
You step through me
And the screen door hits the wood
And you're packing all your things
You say you're moving out to there to Hollywood
And I can't do a thing
You say there's nothing for you
In this cardboard town
And every bridge you cross
You're gonna burn it to the ground
You wont listen to a word that I'm telling ya

So who's running through the halls
In the houses of pain
That are staring back at me
Like the ocean from a plane
I swear I've seen your eyes
in the ghost of Philadelphia

I think about you late at night sometimes
When I can't sleep
Cause I can hear the train
It's always there
You just don't know it
Till a quarter to three
You just can't hear it in the day
When everybody's got your number
In a plexiglass town
Where the birds ain't got wings
But no one makes a sound
Cause they all know how to fly
Just I wouldn't buy what they're selling ya

So who's running through the halls
In the houses of pain
That are staring back at me
Like the ocean from a plane
I swear I've seen your eyes
in the ghost of Philadelphia

I run into your old man every once and again
Mostly in the spring
Reminds me of our younger and more genuine days when
You weren't so out of reach
Still for all your running
You just can't change a mile
Of the things you carry around
In the closet of your mind
And the days keep coming man
They never fail ya

You're never gonna run awayFrom what you're hanging round your head

"Philadelphia" by John Mark McMillan

that guy is hilarious. and a little talented.

2009-10-07T09:42:00.001-04:00

you knew i couldn't resist

2009-10-02T12:05:00.004-04:00

okay one more.

i have take heat from people for not believing in global warming, but since its champion is a maligned politician, can you blame me?

here's a pretty solid article from across the pond by james delingpole of the telegraph. he's kinda snarky, which makes it a good read.

(editor's note: i am a firm believer in protecting and preserving this planet that God gave us. i just think that global warming is a crock. that is all. yay recycling!)

I should have paid more attention to him last year

2009-10-01T11:31:00.002-04:00

one more political thing. and then i'm done. for this week.

worth the time to read

2009-09-30T10:03:00.005-04:00

i've taken a pretty middle-of-the-road stance in politics in the last few years. i honestly don't trust either side of the aisle, and i believe that very few in washington have the best interests of the people entirely at heart. i didn't vote for obama, but when he won, as citizens should, i supported him and prayed for his ability to lead this country. i have tried as best as i could to try to see both sides of every argument, be it the financial crisis and bailouts, the war, and now healthcare. the healthcare debate has take so many ugly turns and has had so much wildly inaccurate information passed about it, it's been hard to see through the fog. i understand the need for reform, and i of course understand that there are those who need assistance. but in trying to be realistic about this task, there is very little i see in the democrats plan that seems to be very good.

this is an article by John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods. in it he details his ideas on reform and what he's done with his employees (with great success). he has been lambasted by the democrats for this article, and there have been repeated attempts to boycott Whole Foods (which were unsuccessful). i've also read other articles which detail plans that seem better. the ideas were simple and direct, but no one seems to want to entertain any other ideas except what is being given us by our current government.

i ran across this article this morning, and i cannot ignore it. i would hate to think that this is being done on purpose, but i also cannot believe that our president would be this misinformed about his own healthcare plan.

my true hope is, in short, that the republican side would calm the hell down and make some rational arguments (if the truth is really on your side, there's no need to shout), and that the democrat side would realize that 'the right' is not dumb or ignorant (or racist), just passionate. and a little scared.

while i'm on my soap box, i will say one other thing. capitalism, in and of itself, is not evil. the greed behind it is. many people falsely claim that "money is the root of all evil," which is not right. in actuality, the truth is that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil, which is a different sentiment entirely. this is why Jesus said that "...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." this country became great and prosperous because of the very system that is now being villified by many, including michael moore. and while i agree there are many greedy people in powerful positions hurting people, the system is not to blame. and if that system is torn down, it will bring this country to a grinding halt.

also, i'm a big proponent of the fair tax, and if you aren't, you should consider it.

/rant

watch this show, everybody

2009-09-30T09:05:00.003-04:00

this is my new favorite show. it joins, after only two episodes, the ranks of How I Met Your Mother, the Office, Big Bang Theory, Arrested Development (same producers), Scrubs, and 30Rock. it could get worse, but with joel mchale leading the cast, i don't see how. plus it has chevy chase. he can't afford not to be funny.

mira.

i honestly don't think i can help it

2009-09-25T09:09:00.001-04:00

this is b-wack. he's the drummer for dc*b. he's hilarious. and an evil genius.

so maybe i caved.

2009-09-24T11:52:00.006-04:00

maybe i decided to listen to david crowder band.

maybe i like them.

maybe i've been reading dave's blog.

maybe i'm hooked.

maybe this video is hilarious.

the end is a mockup of that video of that kid after the dentist from a while back. click here to see it! (ps - that video has over 30 million hits. unreal.)

What happens in Vegas

2009-09-15T21:24:00.000-04:00

is pretty boring if you're not a heavy drinker and don't like porn and stuff.

You may remember me talking about the brothers that I reconnected with when my dad passed. Well, my brothers Robert and Jeff (42 and 44, respectively) both graduated from Oregon State, and therefore invited me to come with them to Vegas with them and my nephew Mitch to go to the Oregon State/UNLV game. I flew out there on Wednesday night (I watched I Love You Man on the flight out there. HILARIOUS.) We walked ALL over the strip on Thursday and Friday (I took a BUNCH of pictures.) We met up with a few of Robert's friends, ate a bunch of expensive food, and I spent a little bit of money at the Blackjack table. That game doesn't seem to be the same as when I was 10.

All in all, the city was really cool, but mostly really sad. There was porn everywhere, which bothered me more than a little bit. Not just for the obvious, but just because the people seemed so sad and hopeless. People LINED the streets handing out these pamphlets for hookers, and they literally littered the streets. The buildings were so big and beautiful, but they made me think of the white-washed tombs.

But, I still had a lot of fun, I didn't really drink that much, and I stayed at the Hilton for free. The only downside to the Hilton was that there was a 15-story picture of Barry Manilow on the outside of it. Don't believe me?

A grand time to be sure. Oh, and and I watched Star Trek on the flight home. That's five. Awesome

Conor

2009-09-07T21:16:00.000-04:00

I'm backdating this post a couple of weeks. I just wanted to say something about my friend, Conor. He passed away on September 7th. He was 29. I don't want to talk about his life or his death, or our friendship or our history. I just want to say that I miss him, and I wish I could have done more for him, and I wish I could have been there for the service.

I love you, my friend. See you when I get there.

906

2009-09-06T23:28:00.005-04:00

This post will be weird to some, funny to others, and hopefully interesting to all. Today is September 6. This day means absolutely nothing to me.

In the last seven years or so, since college, this weird thing has happened. I would, oh every 6 months or so, look at the clock and it would say 9:06. (Background: In college, I was a part of Campus Outreach for three years. CO is a Presbyterian (kinda) college ministry, and...well, I'll just leave it at that. The only thing related to this story is that every week, there was a campus wide meeting called "906." If I remember correctly, it was related to some verse in the Bible. I honestly don't remember (Jamie? Jo?)) I always thought it funny I saw that on the clock. And I always remembered it.

Then, starting about four or five months ago, it started happening all the time. ALL. the. time. Two or three times a week. And I wasn't looking for it. It would always catch me off guard. At one point, I was so caught off guard that I actually stopped mid-sentence and stared at my watch. The person I was talking to thought I was crazy. I was so weirded out that I called Rodger to see if he thought I was crazy. "Maybe God is trying to tell me something," I railed. I would not have been surprised.

I looked up Sept. 6 on Wikipedia. Three posts jumped out at me.
~1492 – Christopher Columbus sails from La Gomera in the Canary Islands, his final port of call before crossing the Atlantic for the first time.
~1620 – The Pilgrims sail from Plymouth, England, on the Mayflower to settle in North America.
~1847 – Henry David Thoreau leaves Walden Pond and moves in with Ralph Waldo Emerson and his family in Concord, Massachusetts.

Three major stories of someone or some group setting off on a journey.

Now, I looked that up a couple of weeks ago. I don't really think God was necessarily using that to tell me to go. But it was interesting. And encouraging. It's funny, because I see Chicago-related things EVERYWHERE nowadays. TV, magazines, books, etc. Yesterday, during Dragon Con, my friend Monty and I went to Hard Rock to watch the game. We were given coasters for our drinks, on which were random cities or countries that had Hard Rock restaurants. Monty had Bali (which is funny because I just watched With Honors, and there's a joke in there about Bali...). Me? You guessed it. Chicago. I stole it. It's in my car.

And this morning, I woke up and I was reading The Voice of the Martyrs. It's a book filled with stories of people who died for the Gospel. People who refused to deny God in the face of death, and were killed because of it. And all-of-the-sudden, I felt at peace about leaving. I've tossed and turned for, I don't know, two years now really. And now I feel at peace. On September 6th. Also today, I watched this thing my mom taped from TBN (I don't watch TBN, so I never would have seen this). A guy was interviewing Jim Caviezel about The Passion of the Christ, and he said a lot of things about acting and about being a Christian in Hollywood that I have always thought, and I really needed to hear. I always had the idea in the back of my mind that, in becoming an actor I would be able to do some cool faith-related projects. That perhaps God could use me in this capacity. And Caviezel was talking about that very thing. And I was kinda just sitting there dumbfounded. And I remembered it was September 6th.

It may seem hokey or nutjobbish to some of you, but I've been looking for this for a while. Something to let me know that either it's okay to go, or I need to stay, or I need to go somewhere else. While I don't think God is going to use a burning bush with me, I do believe He speaks and leads, though I'm not always in tune enough to hear it.

On Wednesday, my mom has an appointment with the doctor. Unless he says that my mom only has a couple of months (which ain't happening), I am quite certain that I am out of here.

Here's to the open road.

this is no ordinary love

2009-09-02T09:42:00.004-04:00

no ordinary lo-ove...

sade is hot. the end.

i LOVE this weather. it's early september and for once it actually FEELS like autumn. very cool mornings, highs in the mid-upper 80's.

i took this photo out of my sunroof on the way to work this morning, after meeting mAndrew at Starbucks.

i know it looks fake, but that's actually the sky. wonderful.

you're welcome

2009-08-21T15:55:00.004-04:00

Okay, before you play this video, you need to hear the song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. You can find it on any mp3 site, and it's most likely on YouTube. In fact...here. I wish I could embed it, but it was disabled.

Now, after you've watched that, watch the video below. There are many awesome a capella groups out there, but of the many that have tried it, only a handful really got it. And these guys are at the top of the list. This is a UNC a capella men's group. (more like Ra capella!)

(rockapella? because they rock? no? okay.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Achordants.

There were other groups that came close, like the Dartmouth Dodecaphonics, but none got it just right (the Dartmouth group did it in straight time instead of catching the subtle ritards and accelerandos).

So, you're welcome.

Fun website to check out

2009-08-20T09:35:00.002-04:00

My mom forwarded me this in an email, and instead of posting 20 pictures to one post, I just decided to find the website (done) and link it here (also done). Interesting take and good info for everybody. This is up at #killfatty, also.

http://www.sugarstacks.com/

I'm preparing a new post on the topic of "9:06." Be ready.

i'm working on some stuff...

2009-08-03T10:00:00.004-04:00

in the meantime, i've been putting up some blurbs on #killfatty, so check that out.

very quickly though:
~last night i got peed and pooped on by a guinea pig. i will NOT be seeing that movie.
~this morning i changed clothes in a wal-mart bathroom.
~this past week i've been driving a V8 dodge charger r/t. i like to go fast.
~mom's treatments are done. check up on sept. 8, the day before i leave for
~VEGAS, BABY. me and two of my brothers are going to the OSU/UNLV game. go beavers!

aaaand i'm spent.

also love BTTF

2009-07-24T23:02:00.002-04:00

So, here is a side-by-side (well, top-to-bottom) comparison of the end of Back to the Future and the beginning for Back to the Future II. Pretty awesome. If you don't know (and I will disown you if you don't), they had to reshoot this scene because they changed actresses (they dropped Claudia Wells and picked up Elizabeth Shue, a change we are ALL grateful for, because prrrr...), and you can pretty much tell in the video the MJF has aged a bit, so that would have looked silly. That is one long, run-onny, crappy sentence. Enjoy.

i LOVE bob uecker

2009-07-24T22:47:00.002-04:00

Seth Meyers called this "Bob Uecker putting on a deadpan clinic."

update on my mom

2009-07-14T12:24:00.005-04:00

haha. mom is a palindrome. (speaking of which, how come "palindrome" is not a palindrome? i mean, i know why the word is not a palindrome, but why not pick a word that's actually a palindrome to represent the idea? why not call them a "beyeb" or a "perrep" or an "arbra?" the word palindrome does not correctly represent the idea of a word that is spelled the same backwards as it is forwards. i find this as odd today as i did when i was in fifth grade and we read the book "Hannah is a Palindrome." i loved that story, especially when she SLAMMED the dictionary down on the desk to get the class's (class'? classes'? classessess?s?) attention. but even back then, i thought that it was odd that the word chosen to represent the idea of a word spelled the same backwards and forwards was not a word that was spelled the same backwards and forwards. i did not say anything at the time. i didn't want to rock the boat.)

oh, sorry. mom is doing fine.

random 25

2009-07-10T14:51:00.011-04:00

I don't know why I love doing this but I do. It's Friday, I'm at work, time to see how my computer is feeling. You know, musically.

Trash Can Hands - Zao (from the album, Self-Titled)(death metal at its finest. just recently read an article about them written by andrew schwab from Project 86. cool, right?)

Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine (Can't remember the exact story, but I think I heard him cover Postal Service on the Garden State soundtrack, and then around that time I met Kristen and we started talking about them. I bought this album at Borders, I believe.)

Jamaican Bobsledding Chant - Wailing Souls (obviously from the Cool Runnings soundtrack, which I didn't even know I had. Great movie though.)

Moment #72 - Appleseed Cast (I love this band, despite the fact that I don't know the words to any of their songs and I've never seen them live. I need to get their new album.)

Orestes - A Perfect Circle (even if you don't like heavier rock/alternative music, you would be at least impressed my this band. i still get chills when i listen to "Emotive.")

Talking Bird (demo) - Death Cab for Cutie (from the new Open Door E.P. song is pretty good. Bree loves it.)

As It Stands - The Juliana Theory (Great song from the album Love. My friend Sarah hates his voice, but I love it. And I love this band. Jo loves them also.)

The Drum Thing - John Coltrane (from Crescent. The drummer on this album, Elvin Jones, is sick. This song makes me so happy. I'm going to repeat it before I move on.)

L-O-V-E - Dane Cook (I have a love-hate relationship with Dane. He's funny and his style is really intense, but he just goes too far sometimes. I try not to listen to him all the time.)

Do the Pigeon - Pigeon John (John is one of my favorite MC's ever. He has maybe the most original style on the planet. And he's smart. And he's hilarious. And his beats are awesome. "Hi my name is John I don't make a lot of money I'm a nice guy so I don't expect a lotta honey.")

Never Know - Jack Johnson (from In Between Dreams, which has probably my favorite JJ song, which of course is Banana Pancakes.)

Elite - The Deftones (wow. a lot of songs on this list that I haven't heard in a while. definitely one of my favorite all time hardcore bands. this song makes me want to headbutt a wall.)

Við spilum endalaust - Sigur Rós (title means "We Play Endlessly." I don't know what these guys are talking about, but they are good.)

Doomsday Stomp - Project 86 (speaking of andrew schwab...My friend Josh said he didn't like this album. My friend Josh is an idiot. Don't worry, I already told him.)

--my computer is feeling the heavy music today, epecially since i've been listening to a lot of singer songwriters lately--

In the Light - Led Zepplin (if there's anything i can say about Robert Plant, it's this: His album with Alison Krauss sucked and should not have won album of the year. /rant.)

Sabotage - Beastie Boys (Probably their most accessible song ever. Probably because it sounded less like rap and more like rock. Awesome song, though. And one of my favorite videos ever.)

Deportee (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos) - The Highwaymen (hmm...I'm trying to remember why I have this, other than Johnny Cash. Well, and Willie Nelson, but only for comedic purposes. I don't even know who Johnny Rodriguez is.)

Pay It Back - Elvis Costello (He is a legend and there's no doubt about it. But I love Mr. Costello for a different reason. He helped put the Fairfield Four, one of the oldest black gospel groups ever, on the map. They ended up being in (the movie) and on (the soundtrack of) O Brother Where Art Thou (they were the guys at the end that were digging the graves and singing). Costello heard them one year and invited them to play at his music festival in London, where they brought the house down. It's a good story, I know.)

Barracuda - People In Planes (I found out about this group from my friend Tysen. They are british, which doesn't surprise me, given how good they are. Plus, they have a song called "If You Talk Too Much My Head Will Explode." Heck, this song says "Don't Play Scuba with a Barracuda." How cool is that?)

Turn On Me - The Shins (I love this CD. I love this song. But, on a side note, reading the name of this song always makes me think of Take On Me by Aha.)

Sad Semester - Twothirtyeight (As much I like them, I don't know them very well. Jo loves them, though. And they are not a band anymore.)

The Boy's Gone - Jason Mraz (He's alright. Kristen is a fan. I do read his blog sometimes, though. It is linked down on the right.)

Dancing Nancies (live) - Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds (Their first live album was a huge hit. How come no one cares that they released another one? (this is Live at Radio City Music Hall))

C'mere - Interpol (I'm still ingesting these guys. I got into them a couple of years ago, when I flew to Hillary and Neil's, and I read a Paste magazine article about them.)

Hotel Yorba - The White Stripes (I. Do. Not. Like. Jack. White.)

Overall, not a bad shuffle. I think maybe I should go through my music and get rid of some crap though. Like Jack White. Yuck sandwich.

a good read

2009-07-08T11:21:00.001-04:00

Don Miller wrote a great article today. Enjoy.

take a minute

2009-07-08T08:58:00.004-04:00

and sign this. good fathers are getting screwed by our court system.

on a side note, i linked #killfatty on my blog roll on the right (you have to scroll down a little). also, i organized my links. i've added some good music blogs, so enjoy.

Maybe the best song of this year

2009-07-06T10:58:00.001-04:00

Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

already revisiting history

2009-07-05T21:33:00.002-04:00

although my mom's cancer is completely different from my dad's, and nowhere near as progressed, this weekend made me feel like it was two years ago, all over again. back when dad started his intense radiation and chemo treatments, i spent most weekends in chapel hill, sitting in his hotel room with him, doing nothing but watching TV and sleeping. this week, mom started her immunotherapy treatments and, due to the harshness of the side effects, she was very anxious and depressed, and had to stay medicated. this week i saw my mom burst into tears out of nowhere. i saw her three sheets to the wind on drugs. i saw her sleep an entire day. i saw her stare at a pill for 20 minutes, afraid to take it. and i slept next to her for an entire evening because she was scared to be alone.

you know, this actually may be worse. well, it feels worse anyway. dad's cancer was way worse, but this one is hitting me harder. unlike my dad, i have a relationship with my mom. a very close one. i already feel very very alone.

fuck you, cancer.

done and done

2009-07-04T23:37:00.003-04:00

killfatty.blogspot.com

encouragements only.

actually, yeah, go ahead and make fun of me. i will use it for fuel.

:)

ah who am i kidding

2009-07-04T00:00:00.004-04:00

no blog is worth paying for. this one is awesome. in the meantime, i did do something cool there that i am going to transfer to here. and that is #killfatty.

fatty = me.
me = veryveryfat
any questions?

over the last four years i have gained many many pounds due to never ever doing anything ever, with a little depression and an addiction to FAsT food sprinkled in the mix. so now i'm done with that.

I'm going to move #killfatty over to blogspot, where it belongs. i think i will start a separate one, instead of doing it here at Metal Heart/TheWardrobeDoor. i'll give a link soon. in the meantime, to give you an idea of the hell i just went through in the last 30 minutes. here is a copy of my last eight tweets:

~~If you have ever wondered what it's like to do a nasal wash,I will tell you: it's like drowning in the ocean. on purpose. 15 times.

~~Snotty salt water tastes awful. It also smells & sounds awful. When I squirted the nasal wash in my nose, it came out my mouth nose & ears.

~~You know what I love? Drowning. On purpose. By hand. 15 times.

~~Two of my last four posts were very similar. Nearly drowning
by hand on purpose kinda makes you go crazy.

~~I'm starting to think maybe I should just enjoy my sinus
troubles and never do that again. ::shudder::

~~Worst feeling ever: Feeling like you have saltwater in your
eyeballs, whilST living four hours from any beach.

~~I mean, how do you almost drown while standing up in your
bathroom?

~~HAHA! I think I will try the nasal wash on my dog Hobbes. #owsombodygetmeabitekitiambleeding

Well anyway, enough is enough. Goodnight all. DON'T use a nasal wash unless you ABSOLUTELY have to.

The end.

new blog

2009-06-26T12:26:00.002-04:00

make the change, people. i may not come back to this one.

pjsteed.squarespace.com

how busy am i?

2009-06-14T20:24:00.004-04:00

SO busy. friday i took over the conference room, almost by myself. we have 344 students, and i have to do all this work to enter them into the system and create files on them and yadda yadda yadda. it's kinda stressful, but not so much that it kills me. what makes life SUPER busy is driving up to Athens as much as possible. i went twice this week (wednesday night and friday night), and i was driving back i was already thinking about how many times i was going to come up again this week. mom's drain tube comes out thursday morning, and she says i don't have to come to that, because next monday is a new CAT scan and next tuesday is a visit to the oncologist. guess i better keep my car in good shape.

top 5 places i hope to visit by september
1. chicago
2. seattle
3. las vegas
4. phoenix
5. cohutta

three for five would be outstanding.

2009-06-03T17:13:00.005-04:00

acetylseryltyrosylserylisoleucylthreonylserylprolylserylglutaminylphenylalanylvalylphenylalanylleucylserylserylvalyltryptophylalanylaspartylprolylisoleucylglutamylleucylleucylasparaginylvalylcysteinylthreonylserylserylleucylglycylasparaginylglutaminylphenylalanylglutaminylthreonylglutaminylglutaminylalanylarginylthreonylthreonylglutaminylvalylglutaminylglutaminylphenylalanylserylglutaminylvalyltryptophyllysylprolylphenylalanylprolylglutaminylserylthreonylvalylarginylphenylalanylprolylglycylaspartylvalyltyrosyllysylvalyltyrosylarginyltyrosylasparaginylalanylvalylleucylaspartylprolylleucylisoleucylthreonylalanylleucylleucylglycylthreonylphenylalanylaspartylthreonylarginylasparaginylarginylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylvalylglutamylasparaginylglutaminylglutaminylserylprolylthreonylthreonylalanylglutamylthreonylleucylaspartylalanylthreonylarginylarginylvalylaspartylaspartylalanylthreonylvalylalanylisoleucylarginylserylalanylasparaginylisoleucylasparaginylleucylvalylasparaginylglutamylleucylvalylarginylglycylthreonylglycylleucyltyrosylasparaginylglutaminylasparaginylthreonylphenylalanylglutamylserylmethionylserylglycylleucylvalyltryptophylthreonylserylalanylprolylalanylserine.

Just in case you were wondering, that's pretty much the longest word ever. You're welcome.

i just realized

2009-06-01T17:14:00.004-04:00

that last post, the one where i'm shilling for money for Paste Magazine, was my 22nd post of the year. a feeble effort so far, yes (except for january), but also the same number of posts that I made all of last year. and now i've beat last year's total.

SUCK IT, 2008.

just do it

2009-05-20T17:35:00.001-04:00

boldly

2009-05-08T00:35:00.002-04:00

Incantations and Exaltations

2009-05-05T22:05:00.005-04:00

when i was in symphonic band in high school, one year we played two songs called 'incantations' and 'exaltations.' they were really awesome. i wish i knew how to find them and listen to them, because i haven't heard them since then, and they were really good.

the last month has been pretty eventful. on march 31st, i got laid off from my job at Organization Automobile (that's not the real name, but a clue as to what the name is). it was actually kind of funny, because i had been planning on leaving, and if they had let me go, they wouldn't have had to pay me severance. as it was, they DID pay me severance, and as a bonus, taxed the hell out of it so it wouldn't last NEARLY as long as it should have. not only that, but i can't file for unemployment until my severance agreement is over, which will be two mondays from yesterday. oh and my severance money is WAY already almost gone.

well, randomly, about two weeks after getting laid off, i got a call from my old job at workforce development in thomson. i worked there for three-and-a-half months from november '03 to february '04, before getting laid off due to budget cuts. they called me out of the blue and said "we don't know if you are working or not, but we've got some stimulus money and could use some help." so, as of april 16th, i've been working there. basically, i'm helping "at risk" yutes (youTHs) get job skills, get their GEDs, and get into the workforce. it's pretty crazy, and a 40 minute commute, and right now it's only temporary (90 days). after that, we'll see.

so, when i got laid off, i was thinking, "hey, this could be my opportunity to leave for chicago." it just so happened that, the week i was laid off, i had been fasting a lot of my distractions (tv, dvd's, music, facebook) in order to pray and figure out what i was doing. i thought my being laid off may have been a clear signal, but that wouldn't be the case. we found out the day i got laid off that my mom's melanoma had come back. that's why, when the call came for this new job, i decided to take the 90 days and figure out what's going on with her. currently, she's just had a biopsy on a second spot, which came back benign. so she will have an extraction of the melanoma spot on her back on may 29th. keep her in your prayers.

i've still got my nose pointed at chicago, but i really don't know what's going to happen. it's been a long, very difficult month, but here we are.

cheers!

I think they knew I needed to laugh

2009-04-12T18:59:00.004-04:00

While at home in Athens this weekend, my dog Hobbes treed a squirrel. But he treed it on a telephone pole. The squirrel tried to come back down, but Hobbes was relentless. So the squirrel scrambled to the very tip top of the pole and sat there. I found it odd that he never tried to run across one of the eight wires on the pole when he J U M P E D off of the pole all the way to the ground. But Hobbes, tracker that he is followed him down and dove on him. But just like in a cartoon, the squirrel got away and SCRAMBLED BACK UP THE POLE! By then my mom had come out to watch, just in time to see him do it again! I guess Hobbes couldn't believe it either, because somehow the little guy got away. Hobbes came trotting back over, not really bothered by it and I was like, "dude, seriously. how'd you let him get away." Hobbes was like, "that guy jumped off the top of a telephone pole TWICE and LIVED. Catch him yourself."

But I didn't.

Relaxing in Statesboro...

2009-03-21T12:36:00.004-04:00

It's noon on Saturday and I'm sitting in Statesboro waiting on Andy Park. Andy is a songwriter that wrote one of my favorite worship songs. He is speaking at a conference in Augusta this weekend, but because of flight delays, he's a day late.

Life has been pretty hectic for the last month. Work has been one gigantic stressball, and I lost almost all of my employees. I only have two of my original people left. Plus they cut out all of our overtime, so I've been pinching pennies. Yay for me.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying a Vanilla Italian Cream Soda at a cool little place called Latte Da, right next to Georgia Southern. Cheers!

one year later

2009-02-18T23:55:00.004-05:00

last year, DC comics had an event called "one year later" where they had this huge event and then moved forward one year in the next issue without saying what had happened over the year. i wish i could just snap my fingers and it be one year later, maybe just to see where i am.

the thing that's been happening at work just continues to get worse. i'm down to three people, and i expect to lose one more before the week is over. this is just infuriating and it's taking my frustration to new levels.

so, it's been a year. one hellish year. i didn't even have a spare moment to think about it today, until i was at my bible study tonight. i'm too busy to take five minutes and remember my dad. oh well. i'm thinking about him right now, and it's actually making me feel better. nice.

cheers, Pop.

ps - everyone wish me luck at the gastroenterologist's office next week.

of COURSE

2009-02-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

as soon as i say something about it, it happens even more.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
being the boss at work it not fun. last week i had 15 people reporting to me. now i have nine. two weeks from now i'll have eight, maybe six. it's nice to be on top, but you soon realize you're only on top of your own little pile, which is at the foot of a much larger pile. ironically, being on top also means feeling the weight of everything. maybe it's just me.

i do know i could do without the stress.

UPDATE: make that possibly four people X(

my number 2 worst fear realized

2009-02-08T23:30:00.001-05:00

(and no, i don't mean my "poop" worst fear. haha. number 2.)

(i really am 30, y'all.)

so, in leaving town for two days this weekend, i missed two parties and a bunch of games and hanging out. i hate missing out on things. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate even FEELING like i'm missing out. so knowing ahead of time is 10 times worse. grrrgh!

(oh snap. apparently morgan freeman and kenny chesney are friends. don't reread that sentence. you read it right the first time.)

so this weekend, i went to my mom again. this time, my brother painted her bathroom while i hung shelves over the new washer and dryer. we are good sons, i know.

before i go, here's why the grammys suck:
1. they don't acknowledge that leroi moore passed away this year in the long tribute.
2. taylor swift/miley cyrus duet.
3. thinking that the jonas bros should be on stage with stevie wonder.
4. nominating kid rock for ANYTHING.
5. allowing green day or blink 182 on the stage.
6. giving album of the year and record of the year to allison krauss and robert plant. that crap SUCKED.

why the grammys should continue on forever:
1. b.b. king, john mayer, buddy guy, and keith urban (yes, i said it. no, i won't take it back) jamming onstage together.
2. dave grohl playing drums with sir paul.
3. a very pregnant m.i.a. doing her awesome song with kanye, lil wayne, t.i., and jay-z.
4. alan toussaint and a new orleans jazz band jamming with lil wayne and robin thicke.
5. leona lewis. purrr.

and probably the best thing i've seen in a long time:
6. RADIOHEAD doing '15 Steps' with the U of Southern Cal marching band. amazing!!

so, my taxes are done, my car is fixed. hopefully i'll sell my camper soon and find a job, and it will be time to fly the coop.

creativity

2009-02-03T16:32:00.002-05:00

Her Morning Elegance/Oren Lavie

saturday nights and sunday mornings

2009-01-31T23:44:00.005-05:00

i love counting crows. i love adam duritz.

that album sucks.

sigh.

so what's up with all you bloggers? it's like you lost your new year's resolve to blog. let's get those posts rolling! not only am i blogging more now, i'm commenting more now, too. so all my fellow comment-whores need to step up.

thanks to sara, i'm very excited about rosi golan. i'm also REexcited about sam cooke. sara sent me a couple of new mix discs, and they are great! (as i knew they would be) i'll give the playlists soon, but i'll say that rosi golan is special. the song that i've been listening to over and over is called "hazy" and it features william fitzsimmons (who i am infatuated with). also, i was reminded of how much i love soul music when i heard sam cooke's "a change is gonna come." slow, powerful soul is just gut-wrenching to me.

anyways, it's been a pretty good january. have an even better february everybody!

it's almost like they're making it up

2009-01-28T08:37:00.001-05:00

this is the funniest thing on the internet.

cheers.

wicked awesome fog

2009-01-27T10:03:00.007-05:00

i took this on saturday night.

i was out trolling for food.

i thought it was beautiful.

nom nom nom

2009-01-22T17:30:00.002-05:00

i'm going to binge eat tonight. any suggestions on some good food for me?

trying not to think about it

2009-01-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

My dad has been on my mind all day. Today is his birthday. He would have been 64. I thought about him most of the day, and it was kind of nice that we had snowfall until three in the afternoon. He really is always in the back of my mind. I can't help but think about him when I come home, because I have lots of his things, and an amazing pencil drawing of me and him from when I was nine, masterfully done by Kristen. So needless to say, I missed him more tonight when I got home from dinner with some friends. It's not really sadness. I just miss him. It's all very strange, because we didn't have that great of a relationship. But what we went through his last couple of years was very tough and powerful, and it still resonates.

Happy 64th, Pop.

snowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnow!!!

2009-01-20T11:20:00.016-05:00

snoooowwww!!! yayayayayay yes yay!!!!

it's not a lot, it doesn't stick, and it's not that cold. but DANGIT it's exciting.

What kind of day has it been

2009-01-19T22:36:00.011-05:00

If anyone gets the reference in my title, you get a dollar. Kristen excluded.
It's monday night. It's 10. I'm watching Bill. Bill Cosby Himself. Without hesitation, I will say he is the greatest. Even Chris Rock said it. Rolling Stone asked Chris who the funniest standup of all time was, and he said, "I know I'm supposed to say Richard Pryor, but I have to say Bill Cosby. Pryor was great, but people do imitations of him, and some of them are good. But nobody imitates Cosby. You can't" (paraphrased) Love it love it love it.

So, after going to work at 5 am on Saturday morning and working almost 10 hours, I attempted to rest yesterday. And I did, to a degree. So for some idiotic reason, I decide to get up and go to work an hour early this morning. You know, so I can play on the internet more. And it was a long day. And I got to five o'clock and I was getting up to leave and go to the gym and work off the PizzaHut from lunch. And suddenly, I couldn't find my keys. I checked my pockets 100,000 times. I looked through my desk. I looked through other people's desks. I looked around the track. I looked in the bathrooms. I looked in the MTS room. I looked in the refrigerator. I looked in the trash can. And I found them. In the pocket of the fleece vest that I was wearing under my coat. O_o

So I took out my frustration on the elliptical machine at the gym.

And I got over it.

PS - I realized tonight, maybe for the first time, that there are some people (aside from my family) that are REALLY going to miss me. Happy and sad is a strange mix.

this is how it started

2009-01-16T20:00:00.001-05:00

i'm cleaning my room and minimizing my massive pile of stuff this week. this is how my room looked when i started. it's even worse off screen.

yikes.

so far, two huge bags of clothes for goodwill and a large bag of trash for...the...trashcan. does anyone have some of those vacuum bags that i can shrink all my stuff with?

put your feet up. make yourself at home.

2009-01-15T22:24:00.004-05:00

like my new look? i've been moody and pensive lately, and therefore "hey presto feng shui!!" here's my new-looking blog.

it's kinda becoming the center of my interweb universe. most of the stuff i used to have bookmarked in my browser is now in my fun sidebar. let me give you a tour of the new, fresh-to-deathness.

picture: that picture is one that kristen took of The Second City box office when we were waiting to get in. "metal heart" is a wonderful song by cat power, but i heard it when pedro the lion covered it. the other two lines are from pedro's song "june 18, 1976." that's basically just me being moody and depressing. i AM feeling a lot better though.

bio line: i actually came up with this because i was sitting around one night thinking about what i could offer in the way of entertainment, and a list of things i do or attempt to do came out. i was going to put "eater" twice, but that didn't really make sense. not that any of it does.

ingestion: this came from allconsuming, a fun site where you can keep up with things you are watching, reading, and listening to, and find out about other good stuff from other people. this is mostly so you can see it and go, "man, he's cool." except for Will, because he's reading from an rss feed and doesn't see the page. (still love you, though. that's a nice little 10px gap there between the body and the sidebar.)

perusal: there's no new blogs listed in my blogroll, but i've been looking around for some good stuff to read, and they'll be there soon.

other coolness: this is my favorite new stuff in the sidebar. i'm very happy to have found donald miller's blog. he's one of my favorite writers. also i found the blog for postsecret. i first found out about post secret last summer when i was visiting rodger and angela in chapel hill, and we were looking around this store waiting for the Dark Knight to start. the guy basically started this project where people send him postcards with secrets on them, and he publishes them anonymously. very heartbreaking and surreal. i teared up while i was looking through the book. IHTFAF is one of my favorite indie music blogs, especially since he's a fan of bazan. there are lots of artist interviews and show downloads and stuff on there. black cab sessions is a new favorite that i got from Will on twitter, so don't miss that. i'll be constantly adding music and photography and other coolness as i find it. but look through all those. they're good.

hilarity: i've had three of those up a long time, and they are still fun. but if you aren't reading xkcd, then hit yourself on the head with a tack hammer. nerdery and comedy combine. failblog is just people falling down and being morons, and that's ALWAYS funny. you can also get to lolcats through there, which is just the cutest thing ever. ahem. scl is a pretty funny take on stuff white people like, so give that a read, too.

so far, the new year has found me a fairly chatty cathy. hopefully, if i'm boring you to death, you can and least find other stuff here to interest you.

cheers.

it's perfect for my o.c.d.

2009-01-10T14:20:00.000-05:00

so, i'm at work today. and i always listen to music while i'm at work. and since i live in georgia, most people here hate my music. so i have on headphones. well, about 15 minutes ago i put on my headphones and, not feeling any one particular style of music today, i put my entire catalog on shuffle. and i looked down and there are exactly TEN. THOUSAND. SONGS. i feel awesome.

here's the first 25 of what played (skipping intro tracks and stuff like that):

enigma - miles davis (great way to start it off)
thetawaves - system of a down
hope to carry on - caedmon's call
just jammin' again - dave matthews band
come on eileen - dexy's midnight runners
side with the seeds - wilco
sabrosa - beastie boys (man, i need to pull that album out again)
mr. jones (live) - counting crows
whisper to a scream - icicle works (i LOVE 80's music...don't tell)
put back the stars - blindside
lovely 2 c u - goldfrapp (i know the song name is wank, but that's an awesome group)
find the river - r.e.m. (ha! this song sounds like 'stay' by lisa loeb when it first starts)
exit music (for a film) - radiohead (my last year of college, i would go to sleep at night with radiohead playing)
money for nothing - dire straits (one of the first videos i ever remember seeing on MTV)
dancing nancies - dave matthews band (EARLY version)(also one of the few dave songs i can play on guitar)
out of my mind - john mayer trio (let me just say, john is THE guitarist of our generation)
sma - chevelle
together - the raconteurs (i still don't think jack white is anything special)
port of entry - vigilantes of love (one of the many v.o.l. songs i had never heard before)
flora's secret - enya (i honestly don't know why)
water - lauryn hill (from the amazing unplugged album)
walk on - u2 (meh)
war within a breath - rage against the machine (i have to thank rodger for this...i never would have listened to this if not for his influence)
star slight - at the drive in
whoomp! there it is - tag team (i'm so happy this list ended on this song)

chris rock once said that 'livin' la vida loca' was the puerto rican 'whoomp there it is.' for the sake of the puerto rican people, i hope not.

happy saturday!

my mid-life crises

2009-01-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

i was going to put crisises. you know, just to be funny.

(DISCLAIMER: this is really depressing. it's also a continuation of some stuff i talked about two posts ago)

in 2008, i turned 30. and it was no big deal. really. oh, i made the normal dread-being-30 jokes and old man quips and what have you. but really, when it happened, i just woke up and went to work and it was no big deal (actually i didn't go to work because i took two days off. HA!) i had so many other things to worry about at that time, and i honestly didn't feel any different. and now, suddenly, i'm having a combination of panic attacks about how short life is, and feelings of utter hopelessness. for the past couple of months, i have been surprised by a fear of dying. i think, "i'm 30. and that 30 went by FAST. and what if i die when i'm 60? then i only have 30 more years to do EVERYTHING. and what if the second 30 is quicker than the first 30? and what if it takes 10 years to get anywhere with acting, and then i only have 20 years? or God forbid the acting thing doesn't take off at all, and then i will be..." and on and on and on.

what if i get there and realize i was only kidding myself? you know, like i've kidded myself about everything else.

last night, at our bible study group, we talked about what from 2008 we wanted to leave behind. i didn't answer, because what was i going to say? everything? well, not EVERYthing. there were good points. but a lot of it. and then we talked about what were striving for in this coming year. i realized, as i was thinking about that question, that i have never in my life felt hopeless. until now. it's an odd mixture of bad choices and regret and hesitation and failure and guilt, which wouldn't have a hold on me if not for the fact that i let it build and fester and grow. and it has sucked the joy out of life. i'm basically not excited about the things that i'm usually excited about.

and really, i'm not hopeless. and i'm not scared to die. and i'm not worried about being an actor. i just get these...momentary lapses. i'm talking, like, 127 seconds of panic! on the couch. in that brief time, the world is collapsing and nothing will go right and there is no way i'll ever get out of this - this - this whatever it is. but life goes on and the moments pass and soon i get back to the excitement of...waiting.

chicago can't come soon enough. maybe i'll just go this weekend.

they complement each other

2009-01-06T17:02:00.008-05:00

over the last year, there has been one pair of songs that i always play together whenever i hear them. if either one comes on in a playlist, even if it is a shuffled playlist, i will un-shuffle, go back to the first one, and play them together. and then i move on. you should try it. you probably already have.

tiny vessels
transatlanticism

(not the actual videos)

they are like one song to me. it probably helps that vessels carries over on the album. i can't think of another pair of songs that come back-to-back on an album that i absolutely HAVE to hear together. there may be some, but i've never NOT listened to these two together.

that's weird, wild stuff.

the new year yah-yah's

2009-01-03T20:28:00.000-05:00

it's better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.

once again, we're back on this side of the sun. things are changing. i'm sure you notice my new blog look. kristen did that photo up for me, and it is pretty much the most awesome. it's a picture of the outside of The Second City. (btw, if anyone knows how to center that photo on the page, let me know.)

i am currently writing from the couch. yesterday morning, right before i left for work, i began vomiting my guts out. i ended up going to the doctor and getting some drugs and stuff, and i've been in bed ever since.

i don't feel very reflective anymore. perhaps that's why i haven't been posting as much. i don't feel hopeful about this year, probably because i can't move or breathe and i haven't gotten up in 20 hours. or maybe because this last year went so badly. i often worry about making the wrong choices. i'm worried that i should go to new york instead of chicago, or that i shouldn't go at all. or maybe that i should do theater instead of improv. i guess the fear of the unknown makes you question yourself. and your motives.

at best, this year will be the launching pad for me getting where i want to go. at worst, well, i'll be sitting right where i am, having never tried.

-------------------------------------------------
Losing the star without a sky
Losing the reasons why
You're losing the calling that you've been faking
And i'm not kidding

It's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do
Be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
Oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove
By hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing

Sew your fortunes on a string
And hold them up to light
Blue smoke will take
A very violent flight
And you will be changed
And everything
And you will be in a very sad sad zoo.

I once was lost but now i'm found
Was blind but now I see you
How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming

Metal heart you're not hiding
Metal heart you're not worth a thing

-Cat Power

Nearing the end

2008-12-23T21:05:00.003-05:00

the end of the year is almost here. i LITERALLY can't believe how fast this year has flown by. of course things haven't happened the way I thought they would, but does it really ever?

The play was awesome! I was in two shows for school kids on the 11th, and then we had public shows on friday, saturday, and sunday. my mom and brother came to the saturday night show. but first things first, friday night after the show, me and some cast memebers went to the pizza joint for a slice, and as i'm walking out to my car, a woman approaches and knocks on my window. IT'S KRISTEN!! she flew in to surprise me and see the show and hang out for the weekend. so she also came to the saturday night show, with mAndrew and elsie. and dave and virginia came to see the sunday show. i had a super-fantasic time doing the play. kristen and i kicked it all weekend, and we OF COURSE had a blast. (special thanks to dianna for tirelessly making me look like a pretty pretty girl all week)(the picture is me and amanda (the very talented girl who played the ghost of christmas future - and yes i DO look good in that picture)

four days after the show, i auditioned for another play, Into the Woods, and...sigh...i didn't get a part. for the first time in my entire life, i was turned down for a part. that was a hard pill to swallow. but thanks to dianna's gentle encouragement, i got through it.

so now i'm done with work for the year, and tonight i made my first attempt to buy a christmas present (yes, you read that correctly). at least i get seven whole days off for christmas this year! yay grownup!

Open to the public!

2008-12-12T00:00:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow night, we open A Christmas Carol to the public. I performed in two shows this morning, all to elementary and middle school kids, and those went pretty well. I just got home from a five hour dress rehearsal, which went well. I think we are going to kill in the public shows.

So, the Imperial Theater is sleeping quietly. The ghost light is lit, and the rain is falling softly.

And tomorrow night? Magic.

know what I'm listening to right now?

2008-12-10T16:16:00.001-05:00

(aside from the Les Mis soundtrack, of course)

this.

oh bliss.

who has time for anything?

2008-12-09T12:35:00.004-05:00

not me, that's who.

i'm doing a play locally right now. about a month ago, dianna called me up and said they needed tenors for A Christmas Carol, and i said, "hey i'm a tenor!" a month later, i have traces of eyeliner on my eyes from tech rehearsal last night, and i'm getting less and less sleep. i play "banker" or "banker 1." i actually have a couple of lines and i wear a little mic that hangs over my ear. gather and sing of this glorious thing known as Christ-mas, to-gether!

in other news, yet another high school girl has caused damage to my car. this rhodes scholar cut me off and then slammed on brakes. have fun buying a new front end for my car.

i've been listening to a lot of good new music lately. i bought kanye's new album, 808's and heartbreak, and while it's not great, it is unique and i appreciate it. also, i've been listening to feist, the national, the killers, goldfrapp, ray lamontagne, snow patrol, colin meloy, and synthar, to name a few. seriously, stop what you are doing and download 'colin meloy sings live!' from iTunes right now. it will change your life. oh, i also just got about 30 miles davis and john coltrane cd's, which is amazing.

oh, and SPEAKING of music, a parcel arrived at my doorstep yesterday, the contents of which is a new live Dave Matthews album, from your friend and mine, bree. you're the best, blawyger.

well, that's it for now. more soon. including pictures of me in makeup.

this still makes me laugh...

2008-11-26T16:22:00.005-05:00

45 minutes later.

Actual conversation that just happened:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kristen: Kobayashi Maru. i've seen this in like 11 different places in the past couple weeks. weird.

Patrick: Kyriad Mariah? :)

Kristen: haha!

Patrick: do you know what the kobayashi maru is?

Kristen: isn't it the unsolvable problem or something?

Patrick: yes, from star trek.

Kristen: right. i only know that from friends

Patrick: the reason you are seeing it everywhere is because that movie is coming out next summer.

Kristen: but i'm seeing it in non-star-trek-movie related locations

Patrick: doesn't matter. the movie is making people think about it again.

Patrick: the kobayashi maru was an unsolvable problem that they gave to all cadets in Starfleet Academy. Captain Kirk actually solved it, but he cheated.

Kristen: oh snap! how'd he cheat?

Kristen: and what was the problem?

Kristen: and what was the answer?

Patrick: i don't know! i'm not a Trekkie. find some huge nerd and ask HIM.

Kristen: i think you must be a little. how'd you know all that stuff?

Patrick: well first of all, i'm not DEAD from the neck up.

Patrick: i'm a geek of sorts. see, geeks know the basic tenets of the different kinds of nerdery, but we don't actually have the knowledge to convert.

she. was. RUN-NING!

2008-10-19T17:39:00.003-04:00

HOLY CRAP! Kristen just finished a MARATHON!

Unbelievable.

Make sure you swing over to her blog and congratulate her (whenever she posts about it). Her sister Haley ran too, and I'd tell you to post on her blog, but she doesn't use it anymore. So maybe you can just throw her well-wishes up in the air or something.

okpeace.

one whole year?

2008-10-09T20:06:00.002-04:00

yesterday was my one year anniversary at "Organization Automobile," the company I work at. I was a temp for two-and-a-half years before they hired me on, and now it's been a year and a day as a full-on employee.

i remembered today.

i am SOOOO ready to move to Chicago.

wow...

2008-10-07T08:15:00.003-04:00

this morning i was driving to work in the Chili Pepper, and i was on washington road, and as i looked to my right, several things hit me at once. (no, a car was not one of them) there was a woman, fairly attractive, late 40's, in a red convertible BMW, tweezing her nose hairs.

let that sink in...

here's a lady, at least upper-middle class, if not completely upper, driving in a nice car, cleanly dressed, TWEEZING HER NOSE HAIRS. while doing about 45 down a very busy four-lane street at 7:45 in the morning.

as it turns out, she was actually using one of those eyelash clamps. i couldn't tell because it was on the other side of her nose, but still...

the cuteness

2008-10-02T23:08:00.004-04:00

spider-man takes a break to talk to mary-jane.
starring my nephew mitchell.

dangit

2008-09-16T08:14:00.001-04:00

how do you get over something that's been bothering you for four years?

just a random question.

don't play scuba with a barracuda

2008-09-10T23:06:00.003-04:00

If you aren't listening to People in Planes, you should be. they rock my face.

other bands i'm currently rocking:
The Weepies
Feist
DeVotchKa
Goldfrapp
Synthar

I've thrown things into a bit of an uproar lately. I've decided to go ahead and get this acting thing on the road, so I'm moving to Chicago. Most likely in January. It's the biggest decision I've ever made and I'm telling myself not to do it about 20 times a day. But here goes! Things have been up and down lately. Work has been not nearly as psychotic, but it IS starting to get a crazy look in its eye again, so that probably won't last. My new car is awesome! I bought a Firepepper Red 2001 Honda Accord back in april, and it pretty much is 'Teh Awesome.' Football season is upon us, so I'm now indulging in that ridiculous tradition of letting my blood pressure get up every weekend. I'm starting to realize though that a lot of my friends are going to actually be sad when I go to Chicago. I have some pretty awesome friends here, and I won't know anybody when I get there. Luckily, I am a people magnet.

Just kidding.

Oh. Why Chicago? I want to get into The Second City. It is fantastic, and the list of alumni is a veritable who's who of comedy. I'll will also try to do some theater (theatre?) there, and of course I will have to work, so things will be pretty busy for a while. Also, my brother Robert lives there, so I might have a place to live for a while, and I also have some friends-of-friends and whatnot. But mostly, because Chicago is awesome, and I want to start there before I go to LA or New York.

so...

Top 5 Things You Would Drop Everything For
1. Become an actor
2. Travel the world (free of charge, of course)
3. Travel the world (with a band)
4. My friends and family
5. A good steak

that one is fake. this one is real...

Top 5 American Cities You Want to Visit (that you haven't already)
1. Seattle
2. San Francisco
3. Portland
4. Honolulu
5. Philadelphia

ok GO

omg lol! wtf?

2008-08-14T20:25:00.001-04:00

so, one of the many interesting things i learned about my new family last week, was this: my 14-year-old neice, nicole, who lives outside seattle (awesome), had TWELVE. THOUSAND. TEXT. MESSAGES. LAST. MONTH. fortunately for my brother, she has unlimited texts in her plan.

so, i've always known that my dad had three kids from his first marriage, but i only ever met my two brothers, jeff and robert, once, when i was in third grade. until this past february, i had never met my sister Christine. i grew up with my mom and my brother John, who is 7.5 years older than me (we have the same mom, different dads, but we are super close). well, i just spent a week in virginia beach with my extended family. here is how my it plays out now:
~my mom, Linda, lives outside Athens, GA.
~my brother John lives near Athens. his wife is Karen, and they have my niece, Lilly Grace, who is 5, and my nephew, Mitchell, who is 2.
~my brother Jeff lives in Puyallup, WA, outside seattle. his wife is Denise, and they have my nephew, Mitch, who is 16, and my niece, Nicole, who is 14.
~my brother Robert lives in Chicago. he has my nephew, Zachary, who is 7, my niece Margot, who is 5, and my niece Meredith, who is 2ish.
~my sister Chris lives in Forrest Grove, OR. her husband is Brian, and she has my niece, Jamie who is, i think, in her early 20's, my nephew, Nick, who is 21, and my nephew Anthony, who is 19. and JAMIE has amara, who is 2. that's right, i'm a great-uncle. i'm a gruncle.
~my aunt and uncle, donna and paul, live in virginia beach. donna is my dad's sister.
~tanna is their daughter, and she lives in va beach with her husband, matt, and they have taylor (girl) and derek.
~ryan is their son, and he lives in honolulu. his wife is kelly, and they have jordan (girl) and wyatt.

so there's my huge family. they are a mess. i love them.

Vacation-land

2008-08-05T18:04:00.003-04:00

I am currently in Virginia Beach, VA, with my brothers and sister and cousins and aunt and uncle from my dad's side of the family. We are having what will end up being the first annual reunion of this family, and hopefully it will be in other locations in the coming years (oregon, idaho, chicago, and seattle are where all of these people live). Most people know that death brings about newness in a lot of ways, and in my case it has brought a whole new family. I'm still getting to know them, and I probably haven't let my guard down yet, but I'm getting there.

In the meantime, a handful of us are going to see The Dark Knight on IMAX tonight. This will be my third overall viewing and my second on IMAX, so I'm pretty excited. And if you are looking for some fun, check this out. It's dumb and hilarious, because people are stupid.

Later!

should you or should you not buy a chinese baby*

2008-07-25T12:50:00.008-04:00

so, today at lunch, me and about eight other guys went to eat at mot's barbeque. a fine dining establishment. anyway, the tv in the corner was on, and i just so happened to look up and there was a commercial for a 4-disc praise and worship collection.

flashback: two years ago, my buddy eric comes up to me and says, "PETE! what the hell is up with christian music?" and i'm like, "yeahbuhwha?" come to find out he had been channel surfing that morning on the way to work, and went by WAFJ 88.3, the local christian station. "why do they repeat the chorus to the song 8000 times?" after i laughed for about five minutes, i explained to him that praise music is an expression, and you repeat it a bunch because you feel strongly about it, and you get in to it. and he says, "i see."

flash forward: i point the commercial out to eric at lunch, and we have a chuckle, and then he says, "i've been to one of those." upon my curious look, he lifts two hands up in the air and starts swaying back and forth. after that, the following conversation takes place.

me: you? when?
big e: about six months ago.
me: six flags?
big e: no, dumbass. here. in augusta. something called Winterjam.
me: ah.
big e: yeah. nikki (his fiance) wanted to go. she said she had been wanting to get into some christian music, so she got tickets and we went. she wants to go again next year. i'm on the fence.
me: did you like it?
big e: it was wierd. they would have some hard core rock band, like Skillet. and that was pretty rocking. way heavier than i imagined christian music. but then the next band would be a praise band. and they would go back and forth. it didn't make sense.
me: they were probably trying to get something for everybody.
big e: well, i found out why we were there. i thought it was just because they wanted to have a music festival. but it wasn't.
me: what was it?
big e: they wanted us to buy a chinese baby.

at this point, i spewed a mixture of barbecue pork and mac & cheese out and started laughing. "they wanted us to buy a chinese baby" was eric's description of the festival's pitch for compassion international. after that, we had a hilarious discussion about leasing babies, renting to own, paying alimony for a baby you never met, and going straight to hell for skipping out on payments for a chinese baby. all very tongue-in-cheek, but i haven't laughed that hard in a while.

and now it's after lunch, i'm full, i got four hours of sleep last night, and it feels like i may have to take a nap on my desk.

cheers.

*disclaimer: i love compassion international.
also, "pete" is my nickname at work. long story.

Don't open that file folder!

2008-07-24T13:00:00.001-04:00

Reading letters from dear friends is an amazing thing. It's like seeing a side of that person that you never get to see. Your writing/typing dialogue is not the same as your conversational dialogue (except mine. mine totally is. very schizo and kinda dumb.), and in writing, you get to say things exactly the way you want. Add to that the letter being from a friend from your past, and what you get is a flood of emotions. Add to THAT that the letter itself is old, and you have good, old-fashioned nostalgia.

I have a file cabinet in my bedroom, the contents being every important document I've ever wanted to keep. One file contains every phone list I've ever had (from camps, churches, school, what-have-you), and another has every card and letter and note that has been given to me by friends and family that have been important enough to keep. Now, I'm not a packrat. I toss things after a while, and a lot of times cards get thrown out. Not that I don't love them, but in 20 years, I'm not going to remember half of the random people that gave me valentines in 1999.

But the good ones, I keep, and last night, they came out. Understand, I am a very nostalgic person, and have often struggled with feeling guilty about not keeping up with people, even though I know they didn't keep up with me either. Even my very closest friends don't hear from me that much. Ask Jo. (I love you, though.) So opening this folder last night was...wierd. There were quite a few birthday cards and Christmas cards, tossable except for the fact that they were funny or from a dear friend. There were definitely some that I tossed immediately (need to check this thing more often). And there were a couple of long letters from various people. An amazing letter from my brother to me while I was in Colorado in 2000, telling me how proud he was of me. A letter from my friend Tysen apologizing for being an ass to me for an entire year and asking for forgiveness (I did). A letter from Jo wrote in college to our entire circle of friends telling us each how special we were to her (I think she may have been drunk). (Just kidding. It was an amazing letter, and I re-read it three times.)

And then I ran across some cards from a couple of friends that I made in Colorado named Kate and Chris. These two were the most amazing people, and despite my meager efforts, I lost touch not long after I got back to Georgia. I think more than any other people, I regret losing these guys the most. So what do I do? I dig through my phone lists and (finally) find an old number of hers. I grab my crappy cell phone and dial, totally expecting that in eight years, she's probably left her parents house. So when the lady answers and I tell her I'm looking for Kate, she of course says that Kate doesn't live here anymore because she's married, etc. So I tell her, "well, we were friends in Colorado, so if she feels like calling me back, tell her it's Video Pat." "VIDEO PAT!! I REMEMBER YOU!!" Very good feeling. (oh, right. video pat because i was the camp video tech for the summer. i basically made a 30-minute movie every week.) We talked for a few minutes, and she tells me how to find them on the interweb (facebook of course), and says that she'd give her the message tomorrow (today). So, I'm waiting for the phone to ring.

The moral of the story is, well, a) don't start reading a bunch of letters when you are trying to clean your room because it takes too long and then you don't finish. And 2)...well, i guess, keep up with people that are important. It's easier to call after one month than it is to call after eight years.

FINALLY!

2008-07-17T17:08:00.002-04:00

GOSH. you guys are lazy comment-ers. i've been waiting for five comments forever. thanks dottie.

lots and lots to catch up on, but, as my last post stated, i've been working my ass off. that hasn't changed. plus i don't have the interweb at home, so posting has been a low priority. but there is a silver lining at work, a ripple starting to take place on the horizon. soon, i will be the quick-witted prodigal poster you all know and love, back from the city with no money and begging for forgiveness for not indulging you with my wierdness.

haha. i make myself laugh. oh, but ok. now it's over.

soon.

work work work

2008-05-17T17:21:00.000-04:00

work work work work work work work work work work.

work work work. work work work work work, work work work.

work work.

sigh...

w#@k.

AWeSOMe!

2008-05-14T16:00:00.000-04:00

so today at work...i mean, at home, when i was lounging around, i was just doing nothing and all of the sudden it crossed my mind that there was something cool i could accomplish with microsoft excel. i put today's date in the first cell, and put 'wednesday' in the cell to the right. then i went down a row and put yesterday's date in b-1, and tuesday in the cell next to it. then i highlighted it and dragged it down. those of you not savvy with excel might not know that you can auto fill data if the program already has some numbers to go by.

anyway, nerdery aside, i dragged it all the way down to april 3, 1978, that most wonderful day when i graced the world with my presence. now, remember, this is just a random occurence, and i no idea that this would happen, but...

TODAY IS MY 11,000th DAY!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!! I'M 11,000 DAYS OLD!!!

(shut up, mike)

HOLY FRICKIN' FRICK!!!

2008-05-05T13:30:00.001-04:00

yes yes y'all, he's back again! (i was just listening to rap)

(ok really i wasn't. i'm just a dork.)

so, the rollercoaster has been going up and down and all around for the past two months. i've run an entire gambit of emotions, and i'm quite certain i've made up a few new ones. there's been so much happening that i don't think i can sum it all up in one post. but i'm gonna do it anyway because i don't want to spend three days dredging up a whole bunch of crap. (dredging is a means of excavating stuff from underwater. think of the muck and mire of the bottom of the local pond. yum.)

so yeah i'm gonna do it. well, after my dad passed...

(llloooooonnnnnngg inhale....)i started averaging 60-hour work weeks (boooo). i made a lot of money (yay). my car crapped out (boooo). i gained a little weight back (frick). i turned 30 (BOOOO). but k-flix came for my birthday party that i threw for myself (yay!). my family also came for my party (yay). babies are dropping all over the place (indifferent). will and sarah's baby is healthy (thank God). dianna is on bed rest for five weeks, waiting on owen to be born (praying). lisa moved to minnesota (BOOOO). hillary was in town for a month (yay), but for heart-breaking reasons (we are soul-friends for life, now). i've worked and worked and worked (byoaoy!)(that boo and yay intwined). i've turned to friends to help me lose weight (embarrassed). i've bought lots of cd's (hells yeah!). dvd's too (also yay). evangeline was born (awwww look at the little baaaa-by!). dexter harrison was born (mohawk!). i bought a car (super awesome(but more about that in another post)).

i can't think of anything else. i'm sure as soon as i post it, i will think of more. but that's good enough for now.

funny post script - i was talking to my aunt yesterday (my dad's sister), and she said that she googled my dad's name and my previous post was the first thing that came up and she read it and thought i should be a writer. i was kinda embarrassed, since none of my family know about this blog, but it was also nice to hear her gush about it. also kinda weird, since, you know, you talk differently in different parts of your life. anyways, that was funny.

Regarding Henry

2008-02-26T19:05:00.001-05:00

I've recently found that a movie you loved in middle school or high school takes on new life in your later years. Top Gun is one of my favorite movies of all time, and recently I saw part of it and understood something that I didn't understand when I was 10. This morning, as I was sitting on the couch, trying to wake up for my hair appointment (cut, not styling), I was channel surfing and ran across Regarding Henry. I have loved this movie since I first saw it about 17 years ago, and it has not lost its potency. I realized two things about this movie that I either didn't know or didn't remember.

1. They were splitting up. The marriage was going nowhere and both had been unfaithful. Yet when Henry got shot, Sarah stayed. She stayed by him. And I could see it in her face that she had wanted to leave and now couldn't. I'm not even sure if Annette Bening was attempting to show that, but I saw it. She couldn't leave. And it was pretty freaking beautiful. It would have been somewhat easier to leave, except for the kid, but she stayed. But it was weird noticing for the first time, the look on her face, first of desperation, then determination.

2. Bill Nunn called Henry "Hank." I never realized it. Ever. I should have, obviously, being that Henry is my dad's name, and he's been called Hank since he was a junior in high school (it was Butch before that, for some damn reason).

My dad died last Monday. I keep staring at that sentence, trying to figure out how I got here. I haven't cried, I haven't moped, I haven't so much as stared at the wall. Last week I drove 1500 miles, and I kept my mind off of it by listening to books on tape. I methodically drove all over the southeast collecting my dad's things and setting his affairs in order, and now it's Tuesday and I'm back in my mundane life and he's just gone. They keep saying he's in a better place, but honestly I don't know that. I know he believed in God, and I asked him if he had been praying, which he said he was. I guess, since I didn't have the guts to flat out ask him, I'm just going to have to hope and pray that he repented and sought God.

Death has never really bothered me. I am shocked and saddened when I lose family and friends, but I don't think I have ever grieved someone. I think that I live my life so completely self-centered that losing someone only frees up more time for myself. Am I exaggerating? Maybe. I don't think so. Who knows?

I do know that, regarding my father, I could have been a better son, and he could have been a better dad. And he fucked up his life. But in the end, he made peace with me and his other kids. And I'm going to believe he made peace with God.

Henry Callier Steed, III
Jan 20, 1945 - Feb 18, 2008

The "C" Word

2008-02-25T20:31:00.003-05:00

This made me laugh so hard tonight, and I needed that. It's an excerpt from 30 Rock.

-----------------------------------------------------
Pete and Frank are sitting in the studio talking as Liz walks up.

Frank: ...in season five, when Delta was really packing it on? Glorious.
Liz enters.
Liz: We need to fire Lutz.
Pete: What? Why? what happened?
Liz: He called me the worst name ever.
Frank: What did he call you?
Liz: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
Pete: Fat can?
Liz: No.
Frank: Mouth Hooker.
Liz: No.
Frank: Monster bitch.
Pete: Hatchet face.
Liz: NO. (Sigh) The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
Frank: (Thinking) ...It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?
-------------------------------------------------

the radness

2008-01-22T21:56:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Kristen, who stole it from Bree, who stole it from the interweb.

1. First.
The first article title on the page is the name of your band. (Let me 'splain...no, es too much. Lemme sum up. Click on that link, and a random wiki page will come up, and you are supposed to take THAT title as the name of your band.)

2. Next.
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. (Again, look at the last quote on the page and take the last four words)

3. Then.
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. (This one is self 'splanatory.)

4. Last.
Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it's more amusing that way.

Mine is the awesomeness. I present "Habits of Human Beings," by Ojili.

also, i'm hurting inside because rodger commented on kristen's blog and not mine. he NEVER comments on my blog. i AM a comment whore.

ANYwho. my album cover is the pineapply goodness.

ps - major mad props go to kristen, who PAINstakingly crafted my album cover, because i suck at the computer. her prowess and professionalism are a testament to her innate ability to create masterpieces of art. (good, kflix?)

please enjoy

2007-12-30T15:19:00.000-05:00

(hell yes)

Leonard Cohen's song 'Hallelujah' (of which I love Jeff Buckley's version) is one of the best and most revered songs of the last 30 years. Well I've never shied away from the fact that I think David Bazan is one of the best singer/songwriters ever. So how awesome would it be if Dave covered 'Hallelujah?' With his own tweakings?

Hear for yourself.

The holy are the broken. Hallelujah.

Happy New Year.

Love

2007-12-25T14:06:00.000-05:00