the cheat blog

I like these. So sue me.

THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9 .Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate !!! Now !!!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

blah. blagh. blahg. blog.

it's been a few days, readers, and for that i apologize. there's been a bunch of stuff going on. this past saturday, we held a memorial service for my uncle. back home where my mom lives, my aunt lives a mile a way from her, and she has a lake down behind her house. uncle paul used to sit by the lake with his guitar and a little fire, and play and watch the water. it was rainy and bitter cold saturday, and we were outside. but we were under a tent, and a lot of people showed up so it was really nice. i played two of his songs, my brother read scripture, and my mom and my aunt read eulogies. my uncle milsey also had a eulogy, but he couldn't be there, so somebody else read it for him.

it took me a while to notice, but there was a huge elephant under that tent. nobody wanted to, or could, say the things that could have been said about him. you know, you just don't want to say those things at a memorial service or funeral. but i looked around a couple of times and saw a few people that looked like they want to jump up and say, "hey! he was a jerk! he did a lot of stupid crap and took advantage of me! i hated him!" i hope nobody feels that way at my funeral.

by the way, new albums by headphones, p.o.d., project 86, and jack johnson. check 'em all out.

another awesome scrubs moment

jd: "hey dr. kelso! dr. townsend (played by dick van dyke) here was just telling me you had a bunch of great stories about the hospital from the old days. i'd love to hear some."

dr. kelso: "well, i don't see why not. why I remember one time back in '68, I don't like you. the end."
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honestly, one of the funniest shows on television.

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

My quarter-life crisis

I hate my life. That's my crisis.

Awesome.

HAHA...i just thought of the last episode of season 9/first episode of season 10 of friends where monica and mike are playing ping pong and he says, "oh i forgot to tell you. i'm awesome." that's good stuff.

yep.

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dr. reed: "dr. kelso, i am not leaving here until i get an answer."

dr. kelso: "sweetheart, there are lots of people who feel this hospital would be a better place if we made some changes. take ted for instance."

ted: "i feel i would be more productive if my phone dialed out."

dr. kelso: "this hospital has always had a co-ed lockerroom. why, back when i was a resident, i remember blah blah blah nos-talgic story now get the hell out of my office!"

(ted turns to leave)

dr. kelso: "not you ted!"

(dr. reed turns to leave. ted stands. dr. kelso reads a file)

dr. kelso: "ted get the hell out my office!!"

ted: "ok"
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listen to the band "headphones"

HA!

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 70% Spider-Man 70% Hulk 70% Green Lantern 70% The Flash 60% Catwoman 60% Iron Man 55% Batman 50% Robin 35% Supergirl 30% Wonder Woman 30%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...