I'm sorry I haven't posted lately. I'm going through a quarter-life crisis right now, and it's a real humdinger. Plus our home internet is down. I promise I will be back soon.
Love.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
THE ONE WHERE PAT LAUGHED A LOT
These are awesome. I will share them with you.
*********************************************
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT PROBABLY DON'T
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver. Or month. (I added month. Love, Pat.)
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."
************************************************
My favorites are 4, 7, 9, 23, and 24. I love you guys.
*********************************************
THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BUT PROBABLY DON'T
1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle".
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.
10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.
12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).
14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.
16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)
18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!
21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver. Or month. (I added month. Love, Pat.)
22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.
25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)
26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)
27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!
30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it.
34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail."
************************************************
My favorites are 4, 7, 9, 23, and 24. I love you guys.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey
Can anyone name the sequel to that title? Do it.
I hate not having things to say. I used to be funny. Don't believe me? Read my posts from last year. They are awesome. I decided on the way home tonight that it's not that i don't have fun anymore, it's that the stuff that pisses me off is now outweighing the stuff that makes me laugh. So, I'm gonna work on that. I apologize for always being down.
Anyways.
Me and brad are about to watch wedding crashers. I will probably fall asleep during it. "you shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"
I hate not having things to say. I used to be funny. Don't believe me? Read my posts from last year. They are awesome. I decided on the way home tonight that it's not that i don't have fun anymore, it's that the stuff that pisses me off is now outweighing the stuff that makes me laugh. So, I'm gonna work on that. I apologize for always being down.
Anyways.
Me and brad are about to watch wedding crashers. I will probably fall asleep during it. "you shut your mouth when you're talking to me!"
Friday, March 3, 2006
THIS. IS. AWESOME. PERIOD.
tRaFfIc StUdY
in case you don't understand how it works, you put your mouse where is says "traffic study," and then you click it.
lllllater.
in case you don't understand how it works, you put your mouse where is says "traffic study," and then you click it.
lllllater.
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
Thanks Bree. I laughed a lot.
Girl #1: You should see this guy. He's like the reincarnation of Gerard Way.
Girl #2: Gerard Way's not dead.
Girl #1: He's emo. He's dead inside.
Girl #2: Gerard Way's not dead.
Girl #1: He's emo. He's dead inside.
stupid cat
i was driving home from borders tonight, and long story short, i ran over a cat. it ran out right in front of me, right at the last second. it wasn't dead, because it actually limped off. i felt really bad, but it was his fault. sorry kitty.
so even though my life is in a stupid place right now, and indie music is my life's soundtrack, which is sad, i'm actually in a pretty good mood. probably because i'm watching scrubs. but you know, good times are good times.
tomorrow is comic book day. just so you know, i subscribe to about 20 different comic books, and wednesday is new comic day. tomorrow the new infinite crisis comes out, so nobody call me after work, because i will be reading that several times.
i must say, despite the whole comic book thing, i actually feel pretty mature right now. i mean, i have actually conversed with my ex-girlfriend three times, and not once did i curse. or, you know, spit or anything. how grown up am i?
i love maturity.
*******************************************************
Natural Disaster
by Headphones
Here I thought the drinks were free
but all the time they were grooming me
to be the egg that laid the golden goose.
Now I know we disagree
but soon enough we'll all be free;
that is to worship any way I choose.
But you would wait on the rapture
or a natural disaster to come around.
Or maybe a couple of airplanes
could crash into buildings
and put the fear of God in you.
Cause now we're taking over
and no one is the wiser,
with mexican and negro cabinet advisors.
I cut down the cherry tree
and when my mother confronted me
I told her I could never tell a lie.
Cause I have integrity
if you had been there then you'd agree
that no one wants to hear the truth.
What do you want from me?
Can't you see that I'm a talking puppet?
And when someone pulls my strings
I mouth the words, and I suggest you follow suit.
But you would wait on the rapture
or a natural disaster to come around.
Well maybe a couple of airplanes
could crash into buildings
and put the fear of God in you.
so even though my life is in a stupid place right now, and indie music is my life's soundtrack, which is sad, i'm actually in a pretty good mood. probably because i'm watching scrubs. but you know, good times are good times.
tomorrow is comic book day. just so you know, i subscribe to about 20 different comic books, and wednesday is new comic day. tomorrow the new infinite crisis comes out, so nobody call me after work, because i will be reading that several times.
i must say, despite the whole comic book thing, i actually feel pretty mature right now. i mean, i have actually conversed with my ex-girlfriend three times, and not once did i curse. or, you know, spit or anything. how grown up am i?
i love maturity.
*******************************************************
Natural Disaster
by Headphones
Here I thought the drinks were free
but all the time they were grooming me
to be the egg that laid the golden goose.
Now I know we disagree
but soon enough we'll all be free;
that is to worship any way I choose.
But you would wait on the rapture
or a natural disaster to come around.
Or maybe a couple of airplanes
could crash into buildings
and put the fear of God in you.
Cause now we're taking over
and no one is the wiser,
with mexican and negro cabinet advisors.
I cut down the cherry tree
and when my mother confronted me
I told her I could never tell a lie.
Cause I have integrity
if you had been there then you'd agree
that no one wants to hear the truth.
What do you want from me?
Can't you see that I'm a talking puppet?
And when someone pulls my strings
I mouth the words, and I suggest you follow suit.
But you would wait on the rapture
or a natural disaster to come around.
Well maybe a couple of airplanes
could crash into buildings
and put the fear of God in you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)