Monday, September 17, 2007


OK well, so.

let me just...try to catch everyone up, since i haven't posted on here in about seven months. oh i know there were posts made here since january, but that wasn't me. that was loser, angry, depressed pat. i'm pat that has finally come to his senses.

i'm not going to school. what the hell was i thinking, you may be asking. actually it was a pretty good idea, but who was i kidding? i don't WANT to do that. i don't want to go to school and i don't want to be an x-ray tech. there is only one thing i want to do, and it's the only thing i've wanted to do for about twenty years now, ever since i used to make up imaginary worlds in my yard. ever since i spent my quiet afternoon hours as a latch-key kid watching tv (not doing chores ever) and running around the house playing cop. ever since on all my long trips i pretend i'm doing interviews and write fake movies in my head.

next summer, i'm moving to either new york city or los angeles. i've got to. i really do. last week i was sitting at my desk watching season 3 of the office and eating lunch, and realized how much i wanted to be there. at the set of The Office, yes, but moreso THERE. you know? by the end of that day, i had realized that in eight months time i would be 30. and i also realized that i didn't want to be 50, looking back with regret at the last thirty years of fear and faking it. this is a stupid idea and i could fail and i could lose everything i have and i'm leaving all my family and friends, and i know that i will never be happy at my job or any other job, other than the one where i get to tell stories and make people laugh and think and converse. and, well, laugh.

so far i haven't met any negativity about it from anyone. my mom is kinda just, well, being mom. she will be very sad, but ultimately she'll want me to be happy. and when i give my oscar acceptance speech that i've been practicing for years, she'll cry a lot.

i haven't told my brother. he won't like it. i also haven't told jeff, my pastor. i'm actually more scared (scareder?) to tell him. we have a high turnover rate at our church, because of the transient nature of our community, and he loses a lot of friends because they move away. and we've had a lot of long-timers leave lately. and i hate to tell him that i'm gonna leave, too. i'm already sad.

coupla cool things, though. my mom's friend has been a set designer for broadway and SNL for the last 25 years, and i'm gonna talk to him. and my buddy heath has a good friend who is a casting agent in LA. and will knows people in NY, too. my original goal last week was new york, because well, new york is awesome. LA is cool, but new york is GREAT! my plan was to go to SNL or conan and sweep floors or something to get my foot in the door, while going to acting and improv classes. but, well, i may do that in LA. i dunno. it's too early to know, so i'm not going to speculate. plus, i don't really want it handed to me. i wanna earn it, you know? i hate american idol and stuff like that because those people just win the right to be famous. they haven't spent years in clubs and bars, earning their stripes. they suck.

ok, so i'm gonna go. please only leave encouragements. oh, and if you know people, hook me up.
and coming soon:
Fred the bird
why my job still hasn't hired me on
moving apartments
and the best new show on television (Chuck)(yes, i've already seen the pilot, and it's awesome).

ok, you guys! i'm not depressed for the first time in about three years. the old pat is back! COMMENT UP!