Wednesday, March 9, 2005

hail mary! what's up?

bet you don't know where the title of this blog came from.

right now, i'm in one of those funks...the kind where they show you in a movie montage, lying around, smoking a cigarette, staring into space, sitting alone in a bar with the rest of the people moving around at warp speed, walking down a dirt road, pondering life, all while some slow, piano-laced, vocally heartbreaking indie-pop song plays on...

the thing is it looks great in a montage, but it feels like crap. my head hurts a lot.

so, i've started writing a book. a novel. i've been inspired by steve martin. i just finished reading his second novel, and i must say i'm drastically impressed with his innate sense of storytelling. i wonder how you do that. if my book is ever to be that good, i will have to redraft it about a thousand times. plus, my story needs work.

so, in this blog i'm starting two trends:
1) shorter blog (my first ones were way too long)
2) desert island, all time top-5. every week, here and on MySpace, i'm going to put up a top-5 question, and see what people's answers are. nobody reads this one yet, except will, so hopefully this will draw some people here. or just make me look like a dork.

And here goes:
Week 1
Top 5 countries you would be from if you were not from the U.S. (or whatever country you are from) and why? (Fake places like middle earth and narnia don't count)

Here are mine:
1. scotland/ireland-cool language, clothes, beer
2. switzerland-neutrality, chicks, mountains, skiing, knives
3. brazil-amazing land, beaches and mountains, excellent food
4. japan-martial arts, food, all the jobs
5. austrailia-surfing, land, boomerangs

I hope this catches on.

Monday, March 7, 2005

tommy boy and my collegiate weekend

right now i am listening to a mix of jack johnson's new album "in between dreams" and a perfect circle's new cover album called "emotive." if you think maynard can't sing, a) you are a moron and 2) listen to track number 12, a cover of joni mitchell's "fiddle and the drum." and kick yourself.

so, in Tommy Boy (number 3 on my list of top 5 funniest films), at the point where tommy and richard are getting drunk, and they are puking under the billboard, richard makes a profound statement. now i noticed this statement as soon as he said it the first time i saw the movie, but to this day, i have never met one person that noticed this comment.

richard said, and i quote, "it's fish in a barrel my friend. the town's the fish, the people are the barrel. bang! fish in a barrel." no one has ever noticed why that comment was hilarious. i try to explain to people that he said it backwards, and all i get is dumbfounded stares. it's called intellectual humor, people. read books.

oh btw, i caved. i put the "i heart my hoopty" sticker on back of my car. yeah, now the symmetry is off and my car is driving like it's slanted to the right.

so, i just finished the most college-y weekend i've had in about 5 years (i graduated from college in may 2002 after a six year stint). this weekend was more collegiate than most weekends i had when I was IN college.

--friday night: friday was my roommate's birthday, as i said two days ago. well, i and seven friends, including said roommate, piled into his folks' awesome 15-passenger van with a "smile jesus loves you" tag on the front of it, and off we went to atlanta (we are in augusta). the sole purpose of this trip was to go to a restaurant, and we left at 10 after six, meaning we got there at 8:20 pm. at 9:05 we were seated, and proceded to eat the best fajitas this side of the mississippi river. oh btw, we had a dvd player in the van. i know, right? we left the restaurant at about 11 (i'm now driving), and instead of going home, we UNwisely decided to go to dave & buster's. not too shabby but very crowded. don't forget, i'm in the unemployed column right now and have just spent about 40 moneys. so after we leave dave & buster's, we leave atlanta at 5 minutes after one a.m. headed back to the golf capitol of the world. bed time: 4:35.

--saturday: i wake up at 11:45. i don't really do anything all day, although a few of us went to happy china to eat lunch. OH! we did watch Shaun of the Dead, which i will be adding to my list soon because that movie is oh so hilarious and not scary (i don't like scary movies...remind me to tell you my horrible story about my horrible friends and the blair witch project). then i go over to my friends rodger and angela's house. we watch "reality bites (number 2 on my all time top 5 movies)" and drink beer and eat cookies. and here's the best part. after that, we get cigars and more beer, and sit outside smoking and drinking and asking each other top 5 questions until 3 am. i LOVE rodger and angela, and we haven't gotten to really hang out in a while. this is one of the best nights i've had in a few years.

--today: mostly regular. i played guitar at church this evening (drums this morning), but tonight, seven of us, including one of my favorite bloggers, will, went to wild wing cafe and drank and ate wings and did more top 5-ing of each other.

i love weekends like this.

ps...number 2 dream job: photographer for national geographic. sigh.

Friday, March 4, 2005

well, day 1 sucked...

On to day two. I'm sure I'll get the hang of this.

So, today is my roommate's birthday. Tonight we are taking him to Atlanta to Pappasito's, which is much cool, but I don't have a job right now (see yesterday's blog debacle) and so this seems asinine. But he's my friend and there's eight of us going, so, who am I to be "that guy?" Besides, Pappasito's has the best fajitas on the planet. Hope to see you there.

Speaking of birthdays, tomorrow, my best friend from high school is turning 27. He just got married two or three weeks ago. He is much cooler than I am, just as he was in high school. I would never tell him this, but he ended up being the kind of guy I wanted to be. LOTS of friends, successful, but not rich. Just, enough that he doesn't struggle. It's not that I'm jealous of him by any means. You just spend your days thinking, if I had made just a few different choices, I could probably find what he has. I'm proud of him though. I always knew he'd make it.

I think I matured too late. Everyone else was figuring themselves out around the 2nd or 3rd year of college, and I may not have gotten there until after my sixth year (yes, six...i've got $23,000 worth of loans to prove it). I was talking with Jeff the other night (he's my pastor and one of my closest friends), pouring out about how I felt like a failure because I'm a 26-year-old college graduate with no job after just finishing a year working in a paint store. "Pat, there are college graduates who are homeless, and some that have much worse things going on." Leave it to a pastor to rain on my pity party.

I'm just tired of feeling unsuccessful.

When I sat down on the bed next to you
You started to cry
I said, maybe if I leave, you'll want me
To come back home
Or maybe all you mean, is leave me alone
At least that's what you said

You're irresistible when you get mad
Isn't it sad, I'm immune
I thought it was cute
For you to kiss
My purple black eye
Even though I caught it from you
I still think we're serious
At least that's what you said

-"at least that's what you said" by Wilco
********************************************** 1. I'll probably suck at this.

well this is my first. i know it will suck. i'm going to have to fake it.

wanna hear a jacked up story? i thought you'd never ask. so about a month ago, I was offered a better job than the one i currently had (delivering paint for a paint store). the new job was most good, too, because it's an environmental company and i would be saving the planet and junk.

so anyways, johnny newjob is like, "hey, come work for me." and i'm like, "alright." so, i put in my two weeks notice at the paint store, saying that my last day would be friday the 25th of february (yes i spelled february right, slackers) and not to cry for me because i was moving on to bigger and better things. lo and behold, friday the 25th comes and goes, monday the 28th comes and goes, etc, etc. now, keep in mind, kids, that this guy told me he would call me. he was like, "when's your last day?" and i was like, "friday the 25th."

and he was like, "ok i will let you know this weekend (the weekend BEFORE my last day)."

and i was like..."ok."

so he never calls. so i start filling out applications. and i'm like, filling them out EVERYWHERE. i applied for EIGHT (8) jobs at MCG. i'm applying at cell phone stores, banks, "organization automobile", strip clubs (they said i didn't have the legs). finally yesterday i throw out my pride and call him. he's like, "oh hey man. i've got all of your applications and stuff right here. let me look over them and i'll call you back." that was 2 o'clock wednesday. nothing.

so i've filled out about 25 applications, i've got friends hunting all over the place. and i just got a $197 phone bill because those bastards at cingular are facists (and i used up all my rollover new phone is the junk, for sure)! AND i'm only getting about half of the taxes back that i thought i was getting (but i'm getting back over $800 so really i have nothing to complain about). but i gotta get my hoopty fixed, so....

speaking of being neurotic, i got a sticker from my boy Jason Harwell tonight, but i couldn't put it in the back window of my car because it would throw off the symmetry of the stickers that are already on there. my roommate thinks i'm nuts.hmmm...

i just told my friend mike that his mom is so fat that she puts on her belt with a boomerang. he's crying.

the poison makes its way through my body slowly
into the pleasure centers of my brain
if you were here i would admit that i'm an asshole
but now it's over and i can't stay sober
though it isn't like i've tried

on the front porch or on an airplane on vacation
or out for dinner in a nearby town
i was so proud just to have you sitting with me
but now it's over and i can't stay sober
pour and swallow follow one drink with another
i'll keep on til you agree to come back over
or until there are x's on my eyes

my old man always swore that hell would have no flame
just a front row seat to watch you true love pack her things and drive away
-"the poison" by pedro the lion