Monday, April 24, 2006


Not that making decisions on my blog will change my life, but you know...

This isn't a new thing with me. Every couple of weeks I have a quarter- to mid-life crisis where I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I so want my life to be a movie. It would be sad and angst-y, and probably poserish. This weekend I watched a lot of movies and Friends while recuperating from having my wisdom teeth cut out. One of the episodes I watched was the one or two episode arc where Chandler quits his job. "Why am I the only one that doesn't get to do what he loves?" he laments. Well, I would share in his lament, only I actually don't know what I would LOVE to do. There are things I would like to do, but my only real, REAL thing that I would LOVE to do is move to Jollywood and become famous as an actor or filmmaker. Well, or maybe a comic book writer, but there doesn't seem to be much money in that. I'm not sure.

I just wish I could go back about 13 years and slap myself and tell myself to figure crap out earlier. "Hey, younger, slimmer something with your life. Be a doctor or a lawyer or an actor or something. Stop hoping that you'll figure it out later. Go on and do it. DO IT. NOW." Oh I wish. I wish I had done something. The Navy was dying to get me right out of high school. I should have gone. I love my friends and my church, but that's it. I would give up everything else. There are lots of regrets in this area, and I need to sort them, forgive myself for them, and get over them. And start making something of myself. If anybody has any ideas, let me know.

Burn That Broken Bed
Iron and Wine/Calexico

How do you bust the clouds
Press on your back been hanging in the air
I wanna scope you out
I wanna touch your mouth when you're up there

When are you coming back
Bird on a branch will come back home to sing
When are you coming back
Bringing it back and singing what you bring

How do you bust the clouds
Head on the ground and feeling what you've seen
I wanna scope you out
I wanna be your eyes and show you me

When are you coming back
When are you gonna burn that broken bed
When are you coming back
I wanna see you drifting overhead


Meredith said...

If "Inside the Actor Studio" is any indication, most of the actors/directors/entertainers started out doing local theater or making little super-indie (home video) films and such. So go try out for some community theater or get camcorder . . . and have at it! At the very veeerrrryyy least you'll have more fodder for stories, right?

that's my two cents :)

Bree said...

Heck yeah, Meredith! I don't even know you, but that's some wise advice. Listen to this one, Pat! Maybe the experience will lead to your first published novel that could later be adapted to a screenplay that wins an Oscar and you could do a cameo in the film, just like M. Night Shyamalan does.

Anyway, Meredith is smart. Add my two cents to hers. :)

Kristen said...

You're up to six cents now, because I agree with the others. :)

I've had this translated Chinese poem on my wall for two years and haven't looked at it in about that long. I read it today and thought of you. So here it is. It's by Lao Tsu.

Express yourself completely,
then become the quiet.
Open yourself to
heaven and earth, and
be like the forces of nature:

when the wind blows,
there is only the wind;
when it rains, there is only rain;
when the clouds pass,
the sun promises to shine.

Open yourself to heaven and earth,
then trust your natural responses.
Everything will fall into place.

Meredith said...

Seee . . . it is a good idea! ;)

pat said...

yeah yeah