Thursday, July 24, 2008

Don't open that file folder!

Reading letters from dear friends is an amazing thing. It's like seeing a side of that person that you never get to see. Your writing/typing dialogue is not the same as your conversational dialogue (except mine. mine totally is. very schizo and kinda dumb.), and in writing, you get to say things exactly the way you want. Add to that the letter being from a friend from your past, and what you get is a flood of emotions. Add to THAT that the letter itself is old, and you have good, old-fashioned nostalgia.

I have a file cabinet in my bedroom, the contents being every important document I've ever wanted to keep. One file contains every phone list I've ever had (from camps, churches, school, what-have-you), and another has every card and letter and note that has been given to me by friends and family that have been important enough to keep. Now, I'm not a packrat. I toss things after a while, and a lot of times cards get thrown out. Not that I don't love them, but in 20 years, I'm not going to remember half of the random people that gave me valentines in 1999.

But the good ones, I keep, and last night, they came out. Understand, I am a very nostalgic person, and have often struggled with feeling guilty about not keeping up with people, even though I know they didn't keep up with me either. Even my very closest friends don't hear from me that much. Ask Jo. (I love you, though.) So opening this folder last night was...wierd. There were quite a few birthday cards and Christmas cards, tossable except for the fact that they were funny or from a dear friend. There were definitely some that I tossed immediately (need to check this thing more often). And there were a couple of long letters from various people. An amazing letter from my brother to me while I was in Colorado in 2000, telling me how proud he was of me. A letter from my friend Tysen apologizing for being an ass to me for an entire year and asking for forgiveness (I did). A letter from Jo wrote in college to our entire circle of friends telling us each how special we were to her (I think she may have been drunk). (Just kidding. It was an amazing letter, and I re-read it three times.)

And then I ran across some cards from a couple of friends that I made in Colorado named Kate and Chris. These two were the most amazing people, and despite my meager efforts, I lost touch not long after I got back to Georgia. I think more than any other people, I regret losing these guys the most. So what do I do? I dig through my phone lists and (finally) find an old number of hers. I grab my crappy cell phone and dial, totally expecting that in eight years, she's probably left her parents house. So when the lady answers and I tell her I'm looking for Kate, she of course says that Kate doesn't live here anymore because she's married, etc. So I tell her, "well, we were friends in Colorado, so if she feels like calling me back, tell her it's Video Pat." "VIDEO PAT!! I REMEMBER YOU!!" Very good feeling. (oh, right. video pat because i was the camp video tech for the summer. i basically made a 30-minute movie every week.) We talked for a few minutes, and she tells me how to find them on the interweb (facebook of course), and says that she'd give her the message tomorrow (today). So, I'm waiting for the phone to ring.

The moral of the story is, well, a) don't start reading a bunch of letters when you are trying to clean your room because it takes too long and then you don't finish. And 2)...well, i guess, keep up with people that are important. It's easier to call after one month than it is to call after eight years.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

FINALLY!

GOSH. you guys are lazy comment-ers. i've been waiting for five comments forever. thanks dottie.

lots and lots to catch up on, but, as my last post stated, i've been working my ass off. that hasn't changed. plus i don't have the interweb at home, so posting has been a low priority. but there is a silver lining at work, a ripple starting to take place on the horizon. soon, i will be the quick-witted prodigal poster you all know and love, back from the city with no money and begging for forgiveness for not indulging you with my wierdness.

haha. i make myself laugh. oh, but ok. now it's over.

soon.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

work work work

work work work work work work work work work work.

work work work. work work work work work, work work work.

work work.

sigh...

w#@k.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

AWeSOMe!

so today at work...i mean, at home, when i was lounging around, i was just doing nothing and all of the sudden it crossed my mind that there was something cool i could accomplish with microsoft excel. i put today's date in the first cell, and put 'wednesday' in the cell to the right. then i went down a row and put yesterday's date in b-1, and tuesday in the cell next to it. then i highlighted it and dragged it down. those of you not savvy with excel might not know that you can auto fill data if the program already has some numbers to go by.

anyway, nerdery aside, i dragged it all the way down to april 3, 1978, that most wonderful day when i graced the world with my presence. now, remember, this is just a random occurence, and i no idea that this would happen, but...

TODAY IS MY 11,000th DAY!!!!!! HOLY CRAP!! I'M 11,000 DAYS OLD!!!

(shut up, mike)

Monday, May 5, 2008

HOLY FRICKIN' FRICK!!!

yes yes y'all, he's back again! (i was just listening to rap)

(ok really i wasn't. i'm just a dork.)

so, the rollercoaster has been going up and down and all around for the past two months. i've run an entire gambit of emotions, and i'm quite certain i've made up a few new ones. there's been so much happening that i don't think i can sum it all up in one post. but i'm gonna do it anyway because i don't want to spend three days dredging up a whole bunch of crap. (dredging is a means of excavating stuff from underwater. think of the muck and mire of the bottom of the local pond. yum.)

so yeah i'm gonna do it. well, after my dad passed...

(llloooooonnnnnngg inhale....)i started averaging 60-hour work weeks (boooo). i made a lot of money (yay). my car crapped out (boooo). i gained a little weight back (frick). i turned 30 (BOOOO). but k-flix came for my birthday party that i threw for myself (yay!). my family also came for my party (yay). babies are dropping all over the place (indifferent). will and sarah's baby is healthy (thank God). dianna is on bed rest for five weeks, waiting on owen to be born (praying). lisa moved to minnesota (BOOOO). hillary was in town for a month (yay), but for heart-breaking reasons (we are soul-friends for life, now). i've worked and worked and worked (byoaoy!)(that boo and yay intwined). i've turned to friends to help me lose weight (embarrassed). i've bought lots of cd's (hells yeah!). dvd's too (also yay). evangeline was born (awwww look at the little baaaa-by!). dexter harrison was born (mohawk!). i bought a car (super awesome(but more about that in another post)).

i can't think of anything else. i'm sure as soon as i post it, i will think of more. but that's good enough for now.

funny post script - i was talking to my aunt yesterday (my dad's sister), and she said that she googled my dad's name and my previous post was the first thing that came up and she read it and thought i should be a writer. i was kinda embarrassed, since none of my family know about this blog, but it was also nice to hear her gush about it. also kinda weird, since, you know, you talk differently in different parts of your life. anyways, that was funny.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Regarding Henry

I've recently found that a movie you loved in middle school or high school takes on new life in your later years. Top Gun is one of my favorite movies of all time, and recently I saw part of it and understood something that I didn't understand when I was 10. This morning, as I was sitting on the couch, trying to wake up for my hair appointment (cut, not styling), I was channel surfing and ran across Regarding Henry. I have loved this movie since I first saw it about 17 years ago, and it has not lost its potency. I realized two things about this movie that I either didn't know or didn't remember.

1. They were splitting up. The marriage was going nowhere and both had been unfaithful. Yet when Henry got shot, Sarah stayed. She stayed by him. And I could see it in her face that she had wanted to leave and now couldn't. I'm not even sure if Annette Bening was attempting to show that, but I saw it. She couldn't leave. And it was pretty freaking beautiful. It would have been somewhat easier to leave, except for the kid, but she stayed. But it was weird noticing for the first time, the look on her face, first of desperation, then determination.

2. Bill Nunn called Henry "Hank." I never realized it. Ever. I should have, obviously, being that Henry is my dad's name, and he's been called Hank since he was a junior in high school (it was Butch before that, for some damn reason).

My dad died last Monday. I keep staring at that sentence, trying to figure out how I got here. I haven't cried, I haven't moped, I haven't so much as stared at the wall. Last week I drove 1500 miles, and I kept my mind off of it by listening to books on tape. I methodically drove all over the southeast collecting my dad's things and setting his affairs in order, and now it's Tuesday and I'm back in my mundane life and he's just gone. They keep saying he's in a better place, but honestly I don't know that. I know he believed in God, and I asked him if he had been praying, which he said he was. I guess, since I didn't have the guts to flat out ask him, I'm just going to have to hope and pray that he repented and sought God.

Death has never really bothered me. I am shocked and saddened when I lose family and friends, but I don't think I have ever grieved someone. I think that I live my life so completely self-centered that losing someone only frees up more time for myself. Am I exaggerating? Maybe. I don't think so. Who knows?

I do know that, regarding my father, I could have been a better son, and he could have been a better dad. And he fucked up his life. But in the end, he made peace with me and his other kids. And I'm going to believe he made peace with God.

Henry Callier Steed, III
Jan 20, 1945 - Feb 18, 2008

Monday, February 25, 2008

The "C" Word

This made me laugh so hard tonight, and I needed that. It's an excerpt from 30 Rock.

-----------------------------------------------------
Pete and Frank are sitting in the studio talking as Liz walks up.


Frank: ...in season five, when Delta was really packing it on? Glorious.
Liz enters.
Liz: We need to fire Lutz.
Pete: What? Why? what happened?
Liz: He called me the worst name ever.
Frank: What did he call you?
Liz: I'm not gonna repeat it. That's how much I hate it.
Pete: Fat can?
Liz: No.
Frank: Mouth Hooker.
Liz: No.
Frank: Monster bitch.
Pete: Hatchet face.
Liz: NO. (Sigh) The one that rhymes with the name of your favorite Todd Rundgren album.
Frank: (Thinking) ...It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?
-------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

the radness

I stole this from Kristen, who stole it from Bree, who stole it from the interweb.

1. First.
The first article title on the page is the name of your band. (Let me 'splain...no, es too much. Lemme sum up. Click on that link, and a random wiki page will come up, and you are supposed to take THAT title as the name of your band.)

2. Next.
The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album. (Again, look at the last quote on the page and take the last four words)

3. Then.
The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. (This one is self 'splanatory.)

4. Last.
Use your graphics program of choice to throw them together, and post the result as a comment in this post. Also, pass it along in your own journal because it's more amusing that way.

Mine is the awesomeness. I present "Habits of Human Beings," by Ojili.















also, i'm hurting inside because rodger commented on kristen's blog and not mine. he NEVER comments on my blog. i AM a comment whore.

ANYwho. my album cover is the pineapply goodness.

ps - major mad props go to kristen, who PAINstakingly crafted my album cover, because i suck at the computer. her prowess and professionalism are a testament to her innate ability to create masterpieces of art. (good, kflix?)

Sunday, December 30, 2007

please enjoy

(hell yes)

Leonard Cohen's song 'Hallelujah' (of which I love Jeff Buckley's version) is one of the best and most revered songs of the last 30 years. Well I've never shied away from the fact that I think David Bazan is one of the best singer/songwriters ever. So how awesome would it be if Dave covered 'Hallelujah?' With his own tweakings?

Hear for yourself.

The holy are the broken. Hallelujah.

Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007