that's just the way it is. some things will never change.

bruce hornsby and the range. good stuff.

i honestly am just JONESING for change. i can't handle ruts. my friend angela always tells me that i'm constantly looking for the next big thing: the next car. the next job. the next whatever. and i finally took that to heart after the ten thousandth time she said it and started trying to learn to be content. (did you get all that?)

but seriously, nothing has changed with me lately. i mean, little stuff, but nothing huge, as in job and car. and location. i guess i'm okay with all that. but anytime i start thinking about colorado...or the pacific northwest...or being an actor...i start going crazy for change. i'm about to get hired on at work, and while my raise won't be that big, i'm already thinking about either buying a new car or a house. i can't help it. i need change. i CRAVE change. i'm continually rearranging my furniture (although i can't right now because my apartment is so small-that may be my problem), trying to lose weight, downloading new music (i just downloaded about 50 albums), changing my wallpaper on my computer...

seriously, any little change makes the crazy go away for about an hour, and then it starts all over again. that's why i constantly change the look of my blog. (i'm gonna get Will to fix that red and gray one so that it will be viewable on Firefox.) the only days at work that i really enjoy are the days when i make big changes to my building, or i get some new tools/computer crap, or they days they tell me about my new job.

so, what can i do to have little mini-changes until the next big change comes along? seriously, i think i'm gonna explode.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself

Good job, guys. You are awesome.

and i'm sorry mr. jones, it's time.

"street light shines through the shades, casting lines on the floor and lines on his face. he reflects on the day."

there is a constant necessity now to listen to slow, dark music, and think about what's wrong with my life and wrong with the world. i have this playlist on my computer called "the mooooood," and i listen to it quite often because it makes me feel better. yes, the slow sad music makes me feel better. i'm very odd that way. in college, whenever i would lock myself in my room to read my bible and pray, instead of playing uplifting, spiritual music to match the mood, i would listen to a death metal band called zao. somehow the pounding bass lines and disconcerting screams helped me to digest the beauty and confusion and grace that is God. most people that knew i was doing that said i was an idiot, but i learned a lot in those times.

music influences my life moreso than air, than food (that's a close race), than women, than work, than movies, comic books, than sorrow and anger, more than my family or my friends. i will wake up in the morning with a song in my head, and i will immediately realize that that song was in my dream all. night. long. i can hear any song and tell you where i was the first time i heard it. every album that i have, i know when and for what purpose i bought it. i can tell you my top five favorite bands and/or songs in every genre, including country (blegh). i can also tell you my bottom five favorite bands and why they suck (two of those five are the same band, because they, and by "they," i mean "creed," suck). i turn the Awesome on in the morning, and it plays at my desk all day, even if i'm out doing stuff, because it's comforting to hear good music when i walk back in the door. for every relationship or crush in my life, i can tell you what song represents the relationship or the girl in general, and why. i can tell you what songs represent my mom, baseball, fried chicken (not really), anything.

well, all the dark songs are representing my current stage of life. there are a lot of disappointments and a lot of regrets, but there ARE one or two things to look forward to. sadly, i try not to look forward to anything exciting because i can't say i believe 100% that any of it will happen. but i'm okay with that. i'm happy to be 'without,' because i know there will be more for me later. at the very least, God is good to those around me, and i am content...i guess. i'm never lacking of my needs, and that's better than 90% of the entire world. so i really have nothing to complain about. except that i live in a constant fear of "missing out." does that make sense? it does to me.

so, the future is unknown, and that's okay. ish. y.

"fred gets his paints out, goes to the basement, projecting some slides onto a plain white canvas and traces it, fill in the spaces, he turns off the slides and it doesn't look right. yeah and all of these bastards have taken his place. he's forgotten but not yet gone...and i'm sorry mr. jones. it's time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i've spent too much time
raiding windmills
we'd go side by side
and laugh until it's right

there's something that you won't show
waiting where the light goes

take the darkest hour break it open
water to repair what we have broken

there's something that you won't show
waiting where the light goes
and any way the wind blows
it's all worth waiting for

pull on the borders to lighten the load
tell all the passengers that we're going home

i spend too much time seeking shelter
world without end couldn't hold her

there's something that you won't show
waiting where the light goes
and any way the wind blows
it's all worth waiting for
any way the wind blows
-glen phillips

Attention:

if you only read one more book in your entire life (and you've already read the bible and whatnot), then read Blankets by Craig Thompson. it's a graphic novel, and it may move up to number two on my top 5 books list (for my top 5 books, see my myspace).

i would spend some time trying to explain to you the perfection that is 'blankets,' but i'm just gonna tell you to go read it. it's long. and great.

back soon.

Fun Film

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ATTENTION: THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS OF THE SEASON FINALE OF HEROES. IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE EPISODE, DO NOT READ THIS BLOG.

ok continue:

Lots of stuff has been happening: digging a garden, new kitten, new dog, fire behind our house. but all i can think about right now is....

the end of heroes SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED.

this is an open message to jeph loeb. i want to blame you. the only good comic book of yours was the first few issues of superman/batman. everything else you have done (read: Smallville, and now Heroes) has flashes of brilliance and ends up being lame. the last episode of heroes, called "How to Stop An Exploding Man," was lame, anti-climatic, and boring (and oh by the way was totally predictable). just like smallville, totally predictable. oh gosh, how can i keep an exploding person from blowing up new york. gee, why don't you take a person who flies (hmm...who could that be?) and fly him up into the air, sacrificing himself for the good of mankind? what a great idea. good grief.

to the makers of heroes, please do better next year. oh, and samurai are cool.

I can't feel my legs!

(you ain't got no legs, lieutenant dan...)

monday night i ran 1.7 miles (MOSTly ran). now it's wednesday morning, and i almost fell flat on my face when i rolled out of bed this morning. at 5:45. am. in the morning.

for those of you who don't know, i'm not a morning person. 5:45am is, like, 2:15am for me. i hate it. totally.

well, kristen was in town last week, and it was pretty much the bomb. we went to the lake with dave and virginia. we went to keffy's graduationzzzzzzzzzzz...., we ate at Calverts (total bill for 10 people: $700. and it was worth it. i had a tenderloin topped with lobster, crab, shrimp and scallops. oh yeah.), we went to atlanta to see ben gibbard and dave bazan's solo tour (dave talked to me from the stage), and then my mom came to visit me on Sunday, and we all had more massive steaks at gwen's house for lunch. all in all, it was a grande time, and i gained eleven pounds.

hence. the running.

Stupid Bank of America!!

Read this and fume along with me.

I hate banks. I hate corporate America. I hate oil companies. Somebody needs to strong-pimp-hand this entire country.

AARRRRGHGH!!!!!

(ps - this isn't even my bank.)

a little church

jeff played this clip in church this morning, and i wanted to share it with you. it gave me chills.


the whole speech is here.

have a very good Sunday, everybody. Monday is tomorrow.

cinco de moustache!!

back in the day, a bunch of punk and ska bands started cinco de moustache, where they all grew their moustaches until cinco de mayo. it was pretty awesome. i was gonna try it this year, but i realized how white trash and stupid and small my moustache looked and quit after a week and a half.

i will now give you the straight dope on two movies that i watched this weekend.

me, seanery, drewball, jeff, eric, blister, and clay went at midnight on thursday night to see the premiere of SPIDERMAN 3!!!! now i'm sure that you've all read the blistering reviews totally trashing the movie, but i'm here to tell you...it's alright. the first two hours are awesome, followed by an ending that should have been named: Terms of Endearment. but whatever, it was worth it. still a great movie.

then tonight, me, seanery, drewball, and dave went to see HOT FUZZ, baby!!! from the same guys that brought you Shaun of the Dead, this movie was better than spiderman and cost a FRACTION to make (spiderman cost almost half-a-billion dollars to make...most expensive film ever). just as 'shaun' was a comedic take on all zombie movies, 'fuzz' is a VOMITOUSLY HILARIOUS take on all buddy cop movies. the whole theater was roaring during the last 30 minutes.

i say go see both. but, uh...see spiderman at a matinee or something.