Thursday, July 14, 2005

OH the humanity...

Topic #1~I discovered tonight where I don't want to end up in life. Some friends from mine from church, a married couple, invited me to dinner. A year ago, I spent an entire day in a one-and-a-half foot crawl space under their new home. Fast forward to tonight. Dinner. Husband, wife, THREE daughters, ages 4, 3, and 2. Basically, a big henhouse, with one rooster. A banny rooster. I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was really awesome, and I had a great time, but...

I'm just not sure about this kid thing. I can only take children in small doses. Even the children that I love go away after a couple of hours. I'm sure I will want kids one day, but until then, HALLELUJAH SINGLEHOOD! But really, I had an awesome time, and Mike and Diana are amazing people and amazing parents.

Topic #2~I live in Augusta, GA. Home of the Masters. Home of Fort Gordon. And, home of the Medical College of Georgia. Now, I am good friends with quite a few of these FREAKS (my roommate is a nurse. Guy. Nurse Man. Murse. HAHA.). You should see them study. They do it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I don't get it. They just read and read and read. And learn. I didn't learn anything by reading. I can not tell you one single thing that I learned from reading. OK now obviously, I learned something from reading. But in relation to what I learned from life and from hands-on experience, there is no comparison. Like, I can't read instructional books, like Purpose-Driven Life, or some self-help book. Because it's not interesting. I hate text books. On the other hand, I just read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in 4 days. I read 450 pages on Sunday afternoon. I love novels. I love stories. I like to be moved when I read. I don't like to think. That's why I like movies so much. I know this makes me seem shallow, but whatever. I'm smarter than you. Just kidding.

I was really smart in kindergarden. Kindergarten? Whatever, anyway, I was REALLY smart. I was so smart, second week of school, Ms. Jeffers calls my mom for a parent teacher conference, and tells her that I could be moved up to first grade and be caught up by Christmas, but I was a trouble-maker. And I was. I was Hell dressed up in Jams and Keds. I set the Danielsville Kindergarden record for most paddlings in a year (averaged one every other day, seriously). I don't know how I made it to be such a well-mannered, well-bred, well-educated adult man. I was SMART. I was so smart, my teacher had a drawer in her filing cabinet filled with stuff for me to do, because I would finish in five minutes and get in trouble. I was so much trouble, one day I accidentally spilled a tiny bottle of blue paint at 8:05 in the morning. My teacher made me lay on my "nap towel" for the REST of the DAY. Bathroom and lunch was the only thing I was allowed to get up for. True story.

Topic #3~Don't make friends with dentists. You would think this is a good thing, because hey, free dentist. But no. They actually want to LOOK at your teeth. Now you're thinking, hey that's ok I have pretty good teeth. Have you ever seen dental students? Or dentists? I think the first pre-requisite to dental school is that you have perfect teeth. And so, 'good teeth' are not as good as you think they are. And they want to use you as a 'dental guinea pig.' Hey Pat, let me poke around in your mouth all weekend. And, ohbytheway, I'm going to know all your horrible dental secrets when I'm done. BWAAHAHAAHA!!!!!!


I haven't seen Fantastic Four yet, so don't tell me what happens. And I'm very angry because I think I just accidentally read a spoiler about the new Harry Potter book, and if what I read happens, JK Rowling is finished.

1 comment:

Sara said...

I think we all have those horrible, yet great school stories to tell. In the third grade, I was called a "ring-leader" and then, she made me write a list of all the bad things about myself. I can safely say, I have never made a student do these things or what has happened to you! Sounds like you have some smart friends.