Saturday, June 10, 2006

Tomohawk SLAP

for anybody who is not a baseball fan, this post will suck to you. so you may skip it if you desire.

the braves suck. there's no way around it. i'm about to tell you why the organization as a whole needs to rethink everything. first of all, this season is proving what i have believed for a long time, which is: bobby cox sucks as a manager. i'm sorry. i know we have won 14 straight division titles (whoopee, look at our division), but in 14 straight years of playoffs, how many world series have we won? one. un. ein. eis. uno. 1. we. are. the. buffalo. bills. of. baseball. and we are a laughing stock. everybody knows, as soon as we get into the playoffs, it's over for us. end of story. we are going to suffer some humiliating first round defeat. except, not this year. this year, we aren't going to the playoffs. know why? because bobby cox sucks. yes. but also because leo mazzoni left. see, leo, our masterful pitching coach from the last 15 years, was really the glue that held this team together. because of him and his leadership, we had perhaps the greatest core of pitchers, maybe ever assembled in major league baseball. maybe if we had let leo manage, we would have won some more world series'. but no, we are forced to suffer the ills of the bobby cox era.

point 2. (was there a 1?) whoever the crap it is that owns the braves now, they need to sell the team back to ted turner. ted, for the love of God, buy your team back and run it the way an owner should. aol doesn't know how to run a team! atlanta spirit doesn't know how to run a team! you know how to run a team! come back! please!! but don't bring jane with you. we hate her.

point 3. the 'Ted is cool and all, but there is WAY to freaking much advertising going on. people are so blinded by all the flashing signs, nobody cares about the game (probably because they are losing). we went to a game this past weekend, and i think i counted about 40-50 different advertisements. does anybody remember atlanta-fulton county stadium? home of the braves from around 1966 to 1995 or so? the place was a dump: dirty, smelly, you name it. and home to one of the worst records in baseball for about two decades. but then came 1991 and the majestic run from worst to first, and those cheating bastard twins who cheated like hell (kent hrbek) and played their asses off (puckett, gladden) and beat us in 7 beautiful games in the world series, themselves having completed a worst to first season. afc stadium was historic. a homerun-hitter's park, where we assembled the awesome might of glavine, smoltz, avery, and maddux, and turned it into a hitter's nightmare. time was, you walked into atlanta and your shirt didn't say braves, your ass was in trouble.

and then the olympics rolled around, and because the world was now looking directly at atlanta, they decided we needed a new, beautiful, shiny, FREAKING EXPENSIVE ballpark, and they turned afc stadium into a parking lot (which i walked through the other night and wanted to kiss the ground). so, they built the Ted. turner field. the braves had just won their only world series in '95 over the indians, and we stuck them in a new stadium, charged out the ass for ticket prices and that was it. and they wonder why they can't sell out of tickets for a game anymore. not even in the playoffs.

so that's it. the braves suck because they are being dragged down by a dinosaur, by a by-the-book coach, and a group of owners that don't know a baseball from a turnip, and because the beautiful people that bleed for this team can't afford to go anymore, much less go to watch them lose.

oh and bobby, about saturday night? you should have walked damion easley in the eigth, you moron.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

I'll agree with pretty much everything you say except ticket prices. Name one other stadium in the country with prices as low as ours.

I also believe the "tomahawk chop" has created a pavlovian reflex in our players which has the exact opposite effect of its intended purpose. gone are the days of chief knockahoma. fire cox and mcdowell