there are four. they change. get it? good.
it's pretty sad when you realize that your life is changing dramatically. well, parts of it are great. it's awesome when you feel like you are REALLY coming into your own. parts of me were already there, but now i feel like i'm really hitting it (twss). but, that also means cutting things and people out, not necessarily because you don't like them, but...you know, seasons and stuff. deep huh?
today i was realized i was not as close with some people as i used to be. and then it dawned on me that i really hadn't been close to them in a long time. i had been hanging on to what used to be a close, awesome friendship, but one that become less so in recent years. things had changed in us, both good and bad, and i had tried to hang on to those olden times where things were always fun and spontaneous. but alas, those times are gone. and it really breaks my heart.
above all, i love these friends with all my heart. i mean honestly, there are few people i would die for in the world, and they are on the list. actually, that's a lie. there are tons of people i would die for. not because i'm a good friend. i just want everyone to like me. but no seriously, they are on the list. even when i didn't like them, i defended them, and wanted to protect them.
i still consider them friends, don't get me wrong. it's just not the same anymore, and it's high time i realized that and moved on. it's time to grow up, as they say. we aren't 21 anymore.
(is it possible that in a year and a half, i'll be thirty? i'm not dreading it or anything, i just don't remember being 8 and saying "man i want to live in a tiny apartment and make $10 an hour in 20 years." i mean, i have low expectations of myself, but geez.)
so lot's of things are changing. i started reading Romans today. i need a good kick in the gut, so there it is. i also just did a massive reorganizing of my guitar notebook. if i'm gonna get serious about playing, i need to start there. and get my guitar fixed. actually, if anybody would like to contribute to the "buy pat a Martin" fund, send payments to, um...well...nevermind.
so, a lot of stuff going on. my dad is ok. he starts chemo in about 2 weeks. thanks for all the prayers and stuff.