Sunday, July 5, 2009

already revisiting history

although my mom's cancer is completely different from my dad's, and nowhere near as progressed, this weekend made me feel like it was two years ago, all over again. back when dad started his intense radiation and chemo treatments, i spent most weekends in chapel hill, sitting in his hotel room with him, doing nothing but watching TV and sleeping. this week, mom started her immunotherapy treatments and, due to the harshness of the side effects, she was very anxious and depressed, and had to stay medicated. this week i saw my mom burst into tears out of nowhere. i saw her three sheets to the wind on drugs. i saw her sleep an entire day. i saw her stare at a pill for 20 minutes, afraid to take it. and i slept next to her for an entire evening because she was scared to be alone.

you know, this actually may be worse. well, it feels worse anyway. dad's cancer was way worse, but this one is hitting me harder. unlike my dad, i have a relationship with my mom. a very close one. i already feel very very alone.

fuck you, cancer.


Jo said...

Big, big hug, Pat.

Bree said...

And prayers.

Kristen said...


Angela said...

i'm in pain for you.