I wish my life went in montages. Firstly I'm assuming that everyone knows what a montage is. You know in a movie where they want to show time passing or a bunch of stuff quickly, they'll play a song and show a lot of different things happening, and you don't hear talking, you just hear the music and see the stuff happening. Well, there's always music playing in my head, so why should my life just be a long montage. It would mostly be slow, sad music, because that just makes me feel better. Probably the song that would be playing: "Skin" by Vigilantes of Love. The song is perfection, and it's mostly about Van Gogh, and it's awesome. If you don't know who VOL is, get into them. It's a band started about 20 years ago by Bill Mallonnee, and after a three or four year hiatus, they are getting back together, and I'm about to pee my pants because they rule. They played this past Friday night in Athens, GA at the 40 Watt (legendary bar, don't even ask, owned by Peter Buck of R.E.M.), and I wanted to go, but none of my friends were excited about it, so whatever. Either that song, or maybe "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" by Colin Hay (Garden State Soundtrack). Colin Hay used to sing for Men at Work (you know, they guy with the lazy eye, the song "Who Can It Be Now?")
Anyway, I've been in this mood lately. I know, right? I'm always in a mood. I was sitting in kinship group last night (kinda like Bible study, and yet not), and I was thinking to myself, "I wish I could just put on an invisibility cloak and walk around, not just here at group, but everywhere." I go through these periods where I just don't want to be around anyone, and then a couple of days later I have to get a bunch of people around me so I'll feel better. You know I wish my life WERE a movie. It might make more sense.
Rodger prayed for me and said he felt like I was standing at the side of a rapid with my kayak, watching the water rush by and was too afraid to jump back in again. Probably because of past failures and mistakes and stuff. And wow, did that hit me like a ton of bricks in the chest. My head was swimming, I was coming up with so many ideas of what the river could be (girls, job, life, church, etc.) Oh, and funny story. Earlier I blogged that I had something about me that I felt was my "long nose." I'll recap. Cyrano had the long nose, and I have something about me that I'm embarrassed of, and I call it my Cyrano (but it's not my nose). I know that's confusing but anyway at kinship last night, someone sort of "complimented" the thing that I think is bad. Just out of the blue. Will and I got a good laugh. Sigh. Sometimes I think I'm clinically insane. And sometimes, I'm just hungry. Also, I think maybe I'm a mental hypochondriac. I don't think anything is physically wrong with me, but maybe I have mind cancer. I'm joking.
Before I go, my friend Andrew and I just watched the movie Crash. If you haven't seen it, i DEMAND that you stop whatever you are doing right now and go watch it. Right now I feel like a racist bastard.