what am i doing?
no, i mean in life.
you are living. experiencing.
because i love you.
but why the pain? why the confusion?
i don't know what i'm doing.
you do, too.
well, but i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
yes you do.
oh, well...yeah, i knew that.
and the pain?
part of life. you know that, too.
but for so long? so many times in a row?
girls? jobs? friends? s-
yes. all part of life.
over and over...
oh! because I...um...
because i'm not doing the right thing to...uh...
yes, rectify...the, uh, situation...
yes, the pain.
you know what?
i don't care about all that stuff.
i mean, i don't like it, but...
but...but you don't hold it against me.
believe it or not, i love you.
start acting like it.
like you know I love you.
i DO know that.
well act like it.
there are times when we, as humans, are so hurt, so angry, so sad, so confused, so guilty (or, feel so guilty, i guess), that we can't see the answer, obvious though it may be. i remember high school, doing homework, working on a problem that was simple enough. but for some reason--boredom, girls, whatever--I couldn't figure it out. so i would go to my stepdad. and he would begin to walk me through it. and all-of-the-sudden, all of it would make sense, and I would answer before he could finish. because i had to just get out of my own way for a minute. go to someone else. someone smart enough to know the answer, and smart enough not to just tell me answer.
i wrote all of this at borders tonight. and then i went outside and walked through rain puddles.
oh, and if you see my friend jumi, tell her thanks for me. she is wise, for sure.