Thursday, August 11, 2005

[self-titled]

God?
yes?
what am i doing?
talking.
no, i mean in life.
you are living. experiencing.
why?
because i love you.
but why the pain? why the confusion?
confusion?
i don't know what i'm doing.
you do, too.
well, but i don't know what i'm supposed to do.
yes you do.
no...
yes.
...
live?
oh.
live...for me.
oh, well...yeah, i knew that.
i know.
and the pain?
part of life. you know that, too.
but for so long? so many times in a row?
yep.
girls? jobs? friends? s-
yes. all part of life.
over and over...
yes, because...
...
because...
oh! because I...um...
keep going.
because i'm not doing the right thing to...uh...
rectify?
yes, rectify...the, uh, situation...
the...pain.
yes, the pain.
hurt?
yes.
guilt?
um, yeah.
selfishness?
...
se-
YES.
...
...
you know what?
hm?
i don't care about all that stuff.
oh?
i mean, i don't like it, but...
but...but you don't hold it against me.
nope.
believe it or not, i love you.
do you?
don't I?
yes.
yes?
YES.
...
...
hey.
yes?
start acting like it.
like what?
like you know I love you.
i DO know that.
well act like it.
ok.
hey.
hm?
now.
oh. ok.
good.
hey.
yes?
thanks.
anytime.
****************************
there are times when we, as humans, are so hurt, so angry, so sad, so confused, so guilty (or, feel so guilty, i guess), that we can't see the answer, obvious though it may be. i remember high school, doing homework, working on a problem that was simple enough. but for some reason--boredom, girls, whatever--I couldn't figure it out. so i would go to my stepdad. and he would begin to walk me through it. and all-of-the-sudden, all of it would make sense, and I would answer before he could finish. because i had to just get out of my own way for a minute. go to someone else. someone smart enough to know the answer, and smart enough not to just tell me answer.

i wrote all of this at borders tonight. and then i went outside and walked through rain puddles.

oh, and if you see my friend jumi, tell her thanks for me. she is wise, for sure.

3 comments:

Will Sansbury said...

Hey, Pat. God's not the only one, you know?

Will Sansbury said...

who loves you. Dork.

Bree said...

That's rad, dude. Haven't been by in a while, but it's nice to read something like this with the mood-slump I'm in.

Oddly enough, that's just want I needed. :)