Saturday, January 3, 2009

the new year yah-yah's

it's better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.

once again, we're back on this side of the sun. things are changing. i'm sure you notice my new blog look. kristen did that photo up for me, and it is pretty much the most awesome. it's a picture of the outside of The Second City. (btw, if anyone knows how to center that photo on the page, let me know.)

i am currently writing from the couch. yesterday morning, right before i left for work, i began vomiting my guts out. i ended up going to the doctor and getting some drugs and stuff, and i've been in bed ever since.

i don't feel very reflective anymore. perhaps that's why i haven't been posting as much. i don't feel hopeful about this year, probably because i can't move or breathe and i haven't gotten up in 20 hours. or maybe because this last year went so badly. i often worry about making the wrong choices. i'm worried that i should go to new york instead of chicago, or that i shouldn't go at all. or maybe that i should do theater instead of improv. i guess the fear of the unknown makes you question yourself. and your motives.

at best, this year will be the launching pad for me getting where i want to go. at worst, well, i'll be sitting right where i am, having never tried.

Losing the star without a sky
Losing the reasons why
You're losing the calling that you've been faking
And i'm not kidding

It's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do
Be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
Oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove
By hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing

Sew your fortunes on a string
And hold them up to light
Blue smoke will take
A very violent flight
And you will be changed
And everything
And you will be in a very sad sad zoo.

I once was lost but now i'm found
Was blind but now I see you
How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming

Metal heart you're not hiding
Metal heart you're not worth a thing

-Cat Power


Bree said...

Thomas Aquinas said that faith is for things not seen and hope is for things that are not at hand. Just because it's rough now doesn't mean it will stay rough. It'll get better. Take care.

Kristen said...

Choices: life's beauty and curse. There's always the danger that we'll make the wrong ones, but when a risk taken turns out to be the right choice...well, that's just wonderful. And, like you say, you never know until you try. So I say try.

And, since you're probably miffed that everyone's going to be posting some sort of inspirational comment:


Will said...

My, my, that's a nice ten pixel border on your right column, which is nicely aligned to the size of your header image. Very nice!

pat said...

Thanks Will! This superawesome dude taught me how! He's hella smart! And cool.