Seattle!

So, as you know I was in Seattle the last four days.

Lots of stuff to tell, But for now I will just say this:

::GULP::

Oy vey

So, I was gonna blog from the plane, since I had free wifi and all, but with my battery almost gone, I missed my opportunity. However, as I lay in my bed here in Seattle at 1:32am PST, I feel the need to regale you with a story. Reader discretion is advised (use the scary voice from TV).

My flight was leaving Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport of Doom at 9:30pm EST. I parked my car at Kyle's house and he drove me the eight minutes to the airport. As he was about to drop me off, I realized I left my phone in my car. So we went back and got it. He lives close and I was early, so no problem. Crisis averted. I skipped check-in and ticketing, blew through security, and was in E-terminal an hour and 15 minutes early. T.G.I.Friday's for dinner? Yes please! My only problem there was that when I left, the hostess said "have a nice flight," I said "YOU TOO!" Thank you Brian Regan.

The flight was good. I watched some TV, played on facebook, listened to jazz, and read Apollyon. Jeff and Mitch picked me up at midnight and we drove about 40 minutes to Puyallup. Now, they showed me around and went to bed, but me being the good eater that I am, I had to go twosie. Without all the details (you're welcome), 30 minutes later I am wet, sweating, mortified, and well, let's face it, hungry (which was unrelated). As a clue, though, I will say that

a) my nephew either sleeps really hard or turns his phone off before bed.
b) after careful searching of my brother's rather large house, I know where the plunger is.
c) I know how well Scott paper towels soak up water.

Sigh. Good night.

Christmas Day

Christmas day makes me think of my dad. If you've been a longtime reader, you know that three years ago, I was with my dad while he was going through chemo. Christmas day I was with him in his hotel room in Chapel Hill, realizing a little too late that every restaurant was closed and I brought no food. If I remember correctly, I got some junk food at a random gas station for lunch, and I finally found a chinese restaurant at 10:30 pm for some dinner. I keep thinking about it, partly because it's Christmas day, and partly because I keep seeing people make fun of the fact that chinese restaurants are the only place to go eat on Christmas day. Even Jim Gaffigan made a joke about it on twitter. He makes me laugh.

My family got me four seasons of TV shows for Christmas. House, Psych, NCIS, and Firefly. Awesome. My family loves me.

ANYway. Happy Christmas everybody.

Let me 'splain

No wait...es too much. Lemme sum up.

I think I've used that joke before...

Meh. So here goes.

Chicago is off. I went for eight days and I hated it. Very strange. The whole week I was just off. So I came back. Augusta never looked so good. I went to Chapel Hill, too, but home is home. I'm going to school in January, for something medical. I'm not sure what yet.

BUT, I've been doing some improv here in Augusta. Seriously. My friend Karen started a group called Say What? Improv. I missed the first six weeks because I wasn't going to be living here. But when I came back from Chicago, I made the last two practices and did the first performance. It was awesome! What a rush. I was hiLARious, and I got some really big laughs. It was great and I will be doing it a lot more. We are going to video the next one, and I'll post some on here.

Also, I did Christmas Carol again. I wasn't going to do it, but they wore me down. I didn't have any lines or anything, but I got to sing again, and that was good. It's possible that I will be in Gypsy this Spring. We'll see how that goes.

And lastly, I'm going to Seattle. I'm flying out on the 26th to see my brother and his family, and my sister. I've never been to Seattle, and I'm SUPER-stoked. I will post some pictures from my trip, especially from the Experience Music Project.

I'm not a good writer anymore. I'm going to have to work on that.

a few pics from my journey

i've been in chicago since last saturday. a little of what i've seen so far.


My dinner in Evanston at Noodles & Co (oh yes. that's a cold IBC rootbeer next to it.)
















A picture of the river, in the arts district. The river is awesome. The water is kinda green, though.
















That's right. That bumper sticker says Patrick.

















My niece, Meredith. Robert and I believe she should be in advertising.

despite trent reznor's best effort...

every day is NOT exactly the same.

actually it's more like a roller coaster. one day you're up, the next day you're down. i was telling both kristen and angela yesterday that i'm just questioning everything i'm doing. can't see the point, making a huge mistake, yadda yadda yadda.

it's actually a very daunting thing, moving to chicago. it's not far away now, and it is an ever-present butterfly, flapping its wings somewhere around my pyloric antrum. next thursday is the last day of my job. and then i fly to chicago for a week to look for a NEW job (but not before i have to get three crowns in my mouth. sigh.) there are a lot of things that frighten me, but there are just as many that excite me. i've been tossing around the idea of going by a different name there, even. the chance to redefine yourself is the ultimate feng shui, i think.

i got so overwhelmed yesterday, looking for a job, that i almost called it off. and a funny thing happened. see, my biggest fear is that i'm making a huge mistake. time will tell. but in the meantime, i'm trying to trust God. see i know that no matter what i do, God will love me. and He'll take care of me. the rest is just details. but i lose sight of that (quite a bit acutally). so yesterday i get a random email from a dude, which he really didn't need to send, and there in the "signature" of his email was this:

The mind of the man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. - Prov 16:9

it's just the little things that can make a difference. i've probably read that verse before, probably multiple times. but at the right time, a simple thing can become extraordinary. a little nugget at the right time, a nice "hey I've got your back" from God, makes the difference.

more later on studying "trust" and how i can't understand God as a Father.
----------------------------------------------------
You step through me
And the screen door hits the wood
And you're packing all your things
You say you're moving out to there to Hollywood
And I can't do a thing
You say there's nothing for you
In this cardboard town
And every bridge you cross
You're gonna burn it to the ground
You wont listen to a word that I'm telling ya

So who's running through the halls
In the houses of pain
That are staring back at me
Like the ocean from a plane
I swear I've seen your eyes
in the ghost of Philadelphia

I think about you late at night sometimes
When I can't sleep
Cause I can hear the train
It's always there
You just don't know it
Till a quarter to three
You just can't hear it in the day
When everybody's got your number
In a plexiglass town
Where the birds ain't got wings
But no one makes a sound
Cause they all know how to fly
Just I wouldn't buy what they're selling ya

So who's running through the halls
In the houses of pain
That are staring back at me
Like the ocean from a plane
I swear I've seen your eyes
in the ghost of Philadelphia

I run into your old man every once and again
Mostly in the spring
Reminds me of our younger and more genuine days when
You weren't so out of reach
Still for all your running
You just can't change a mile
Of the things you carry around
In the closet of your mind
And the days keep coming man
They never fail ya

You're never gonna run awayFrom what you're hanging round your head


"Philadelphia" by John Mark McMillan

that guy is hilarious. and a little talented.

you knew i couldn't resist

okay one more.

i have take heat from people for not believing in global warming, but since its champion is a maligned politician, can you blame me?

here's a pretty solid article from across the pond by james delingpole of the telegraph. he's kinda snarky, which makes it a good read.

(editor's note: i am a firm believer in protecting and preserving this planet that God gave us. i just think that global warming is a crock. that is all. yay recycling!)

I should have paid more attention to him last year

one more political thing. and then i'm done. for this week.

worth the time to read

i've taken a pretty middle-of-the-road stance in politics in the last few years. i honestly don't trust either side of the aisle, and i believe that very few in washington have the best interests of the people entirely at heart. i didn't vote for obama, but when he won, as citizens should, i supported him and prayed for his ability to lead this country. i have tried as best as i could to try to see both sides of every argument, be it the financial crisis and bailouts, the war, and now healthcare. the healthcare debate has take so many ugly turns and has had so much wildly inaccurate information passed about it, it's been hard to see through the fog. i understand the need for reform, and i of course understand that there are those who need assistance. but in trying to be realistic about this task, there is very little i see in the democrats plan that seems to be very good.

this is an article by John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods. in it he details his ideas on reform and what he's done with his employees (with great success). he has been lambasted by the democrats for this article, and there have been repeated attempts to boycott Whole Foods (which were unsuccessful). i've also read other articles which detail plans that seem better. the ideas were simple and direct, but no one seems to want to entertain any other ideas except what is being given us by our current government.

i ran across this article this morning, and i cannot ignore it. i would hate to think that this is being done on purpose, but i also cannot believe that our president would be this misinformed about his own healthcare plan.

my true hope is, in short, that the republican side would calm the hell down and make some rational arguments (if the truth is really on your side, there's no need to shout), and that the democrat side would realize that 'the right' is not dumb or ignorant (or racist), just passionate. and a little scared.

while i'm on my soap box, i will say one other thing. capitalism, in and of itself, is not evil. the greed behind it is. many people falsely claim that "money is the root of all evil," which is not right. in actuality, the truth is that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil, which is a different sentiment entirely. this is why Jesus said that "...it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." this country became great and prosperous because of the very system that is now being villified by many, including michael moore. and while i agree there are many greedy people in powerful positions hurting people, the system is not to blame. and if that system is torn down, it will bring this country to a grinding halt.

also, i'm a big proponent of the fair tax, and if you aren't, you should consider it.

/rant

watch this show, everybody

this is my new favorite show. it joins, after only two episodes, the ranks of How I Met Your Mother, the Office, Big Bang Theory, Arrested Development (same producers), Scrubs, and 30Rock. it could get worse, but with joel mchale leading the cast, i don't see how. plus it has chevy chase. he can't afford not to be funny.

mira.

i honestly don't think i can help it

this is b-wack. he's the drummer for dc*b. he's hilarious. and an evil genius.

so maybe i caved.

maybe i decided to listen to david crowder band.

maybe i like them.

maybe i've been reading dave's blog.

maybe i'm hooked.

maybe this video is hilarious.



the end is a mockup of that video of that kid after the dentist from a while back. click here to see it! (ps - that video has over 30 million hits. unreal.)

What happens in Vegas

is pretty boring if you're not a heavy drinker and don't like porn and stuff.

You may remember me talking about the brothers that I reconnected with when my dad passed. Well, my brothers Robert and Jeff (42 and 44, respectively) both graduated from Oregon State, and therefore invited me to come with them to Vegas with them and my nephew Mitch to go to the Oregon State/UNLV game. I flew out there on Wednesday night (I watched I Love You Man on the flight out there. HILARIOUS.) We walked ALL over the strip on Thursday and Friday (I took a BUNCH of pictures.) We met up with a few of Robert's friends, ate a bunch of expensive food, and I spent a little bit of money at the Blackjack table. That game doesn't seem to be the same as when I was 10.

All in all, the city was really cool, but mostly really sad. There was porn everywhere, which bothered me more than a little bit. Not just for the obvious, but just because the people seemed so sad and hopeless. People LINED the streets handing out these pamphlets for hookers, and they literally littered the streets. The buildings were so big and beautiful, but they made me think of the white-washed tombs.

But, I still had a lot of fun, I didn't really drink that much, and I stayed at the Hilton for free. The only downside to the Hilton was that there was a 15-story picture of Barry Manilow on the outside of it. Don't believe me?


A grand time to be sure. Oh, and and I watched Star Trek on the flight home. That's five. Awesome

Conor

I'm backdating this post a couple of weeks. I just wanted to say something about my friend, Conor. He passed away on September 7th. He was 29. I don't want to talk about his life or his death, or our friendship or our history. I just want to say that I miss him, and I wish I could have done more for him, and I wish I could have been there for the service.

I love you, my friend. See you when I get there.

906

This post will be weird to some, funny to others, and hopefully interesting to all. Today is September 6. This day means absolutely nothing to me.

In the last seven years or so, since college, this weird thing has happened. I would, oh every 6 months or so, look at the clock and it would say 9:06. (Background: In college, I was a part of Campus Outreach for three years. CO is a Presbyterian (kinda) college ministry, and...well, I'll just leave it at that. The only thing related to this story is that every week, there was a campus wide meeting called "906." If I remember correctly, it was related to some verse in the Bible. I honestly don't remember (Jamie? Jo?)) I always thought it funny I saw that on the clock. And I always remembered it.

Then, starting about four or five months ago, it started happening all the time. ALL. the. time. Two or three times a week. And I wasn't looking for it. It would always catch me off guard. At one point, I was so caught off guard that I actually stopped mid-sentence and stared at my watch. The person I was talking to thought I was crazy. I was so weirded out that I called Rodger to see if he thought I was crazy. "Maybe God is trying to tell me something," I railed. I would not have been surprised.

I looked up Sept. 6 on Wikipedia. Three posts jumped out at me.
~1492 – Christopher Columbus sails from La Gomera in the Canary Islands, his final port of call before crossing the Atlantic for the first time.
~1620 – The Pilgrims sail from Plymouth, England, on the Mayflower to settle in North America.
~1847 – Henry David Thoreau leaves Walden Pond and moves in with Ralph Waldo Emerson and his family in Concord, Massachusetts.

Three major stories of someone or some group setting off on a journey.

Now, I looked that up a couple of weeks ago. I don't really think God was necessarily using that to tell me to go. But it was interesting. And encouraging. It's funny, because I see Chicago-related things EVERYWHERE nowadays. TV, magazines, books, etc. Yesterday, during Dragon Con, my friend Monty and I went to Hard Rock to watch the game. We were given coasters for our drinks, on which were random cities or countries that had Hard Rock restaurants. Monty had Bali (which is funny because I just watched With Honors, and there's a joke in there about Bali...). Me? You guessed it. Chicago. I stole it. It's in my car.

And this morning, I woke up and I was reading The Voice of the Martyrs. It's a book filled with stories of people who died for the Gospel. People who refused to deny God in the face of death, and were killed because of it. And all-of-the-sudden, I felt at peace about leaving. I've tossed and turned for, I don't know, two years now really. And now I feel at peace. On September 6th. Also today, I watched this thing my mom taped from TBN (I don't watch TBN, so I never would have seen this). A guy was interviewing Jim Caviezel about The Passion of the Christ, and he said a lot of things about acting and about being a Christian in Hollywood that I have always thought, and I really needed to hear. I always had the idea in the back of my mind that, in becoming an actor I would be able to do some cool faith-related projects. That perhaps God could use me in this capacity. And Caviezel was talking about that very thing. And I was kinda just sitting there dumbfounded. And I remembered it was September 6th.

It may seem hokey or nutjobbish to some of you, but I've been looking for this for a while. Something to let me know that either it's okay to go, or I need to stay, or I need to go somewhere else. While I don't think God is going to use a burning bush with me, I do believe He speaks and leads, though I'm not always in tune enough to hear it.

On Wednesday, my mom has an appointment with the doctor. Unless he says that my mom only has a couple of months (which ain't happening), I am quite certain that I am out of here.

Here's to the open road.

this is no ordinary love

no ordinary lo-ove...

sade is hot. the end.

i LOVE this weather. it's early september and for once it actually FEELS like autumn. very cool mornings, highs in the mid-upper 80's.

i took this photo out of my sunroof on the way to work this morning, after meeting mAndrew at Starbucks.



i know it looks fake, but that's actually the sky. wonderful.

you're welcome

Okay, before you play this video, you need to hear the song Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap. You can find it on any mp3 site, and it's most likely on YouTube. In fact...here. I wish I could embed it, but it was disabled.

Now, after you've watched that, watch the video below. There are many awesome a capella groups out there, but of the many that have tried it, only a handful really got it. And these guys are at the top of the list. This is a UNC a capella men's group. (more like Ra capella!)

(rockapella? because they rock? no? okay.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Achordants.


There were other groups that came close, like the Dartmouth Dodecaphonics, but none got it just right (the Dartmouth group did it in straight time instead of catching the subtle ritards and accelerandos).

So, you're welcome.

Fun website to check out

My mom forwarded me this in an email, and instead of posting 20 pictures to one post, I just decided to find the website (done) and link it here (also done). Interesting take and good info for everybody. This is up at #killfatty, also.

http://www.sugarstacks.com/

I'm preparing a new post on the topic of "9:06." Be ready.

i'm working on some stuff...

in the meantime, i've been putting up some blurbs on #killfatty, so check that out.

very quickly though:
~last night i got peed and pooped on by a guinea pig. i will NOT be seeing that movie.
~this morning i changed clothes in a wal-mart bathroom.
~this past week i've been driving a V8 dodge charger r/t. i like to go fast.
~mom's treatments are done. check up on sept. 8, the day before i leave for
~VEGAS, BABY. me and two of my brothers are going to the OSU/UNLV game. go beavers!

aaaand i'm spent.

also love BTTF

So, here is a side-by-side (well, top-to-bottom) comparison of the end of Back to the Future and the beginning for Back to the Future II. Pretty awesome. If you don't know (and I will disown you if you don't), they had to reshoot this scene because they changed actresses (they dropped Claudia Wells and picked up Elizabeth Shue, a change we are ALL grateful for, because prrrr...), and you can pretty much tell in the video the MJF has aged a bit, so that would have looked silly. That is one long, run-onny, crappy sentence. Enjoy.

i LOVE bob uecker

Seth Meyers called this "Bob Uecker putting on a deadpan clinic."

update on my mom

haha. mom is a palindrome. (speaking of which, how come "palindrome" is not a palindrome? i mean, i know why the word is not a palindrome, but why not pick a word that's actually a palindrome to represent the idea? why not call them a "beyeb" or a "perrep" or an "arbra?" the word palindrome does not correctly represent the idea of a word that is spelled the same backwards as it is forwards. i find this as odd today as i did when i was in fifth grade and we read the book "Hannah is a Palindrome." i loved that story, especially when she SLAMMED the dictionary down on the desk to get the class's (class'? classes'? classessess?s?) attention. but even back then, i thought that it was odd that the word chosen to represent the idea of a word spelled the same backwards and forwards was not a word that was spelled the same backwards and forwards. i did not say anything at the time. i didn't want to rock the boat.)


oh, sorry. mom is doing fine.

random 25

I don't know why I love doing this but I do. It's Friday, I'm at work, time to see how my computer is feeling. You know, musically.

Trash Can Hands - Zao (from the album, Self-Titled)(death metal at its finest. just recently read an article about them written by andrew schwab from Project 86. cool, right?)

Naked As We Came - Iron & Wine (Can't remember the exact story, but I think I heard him cover Postal Service on the Garden State soundtrack, and then around that time I met Kristen and we started talking about them. I bought this album at Borders, I believe.)

Jamaican Bobsledding Chant - Wailing Souls (obviously from the Cool Runnings soundtrack, which I didn't even know I had. Great movie though.)

Moment #72 - Appleseed Cast (I love this band, despite the fact that I don't know the words to any of their songs and I've never seen them live. I need to get their new album.)

Orestes - A Perfect Circle (even if you don't like heavier rock/alternative music, you would be at least impressed my this band. i still get chills when i listen to "Emotive.")

Talking Bird (demo) - Death Cab for Cutie (from the new Open Door E.P. song is pretty good. Bree loves it.)

As It Stands - The Juliana Theory (Great song from the album Love. My friend Sarah hates his voice, but I love it. And I love this band. Jo loves them also.)

The Drum Thing - John Coltrane (from Crescent. The drummer on this album, Elvin Jones, is sick. This song makes me so happy. I'm going to repeat it before I move on.)

L-O-V-E - Dane Cook (I have a love-hate relationship with Dane. He's funny and his style is really intense, but he just goes too far sometimes. I try not to listen to him all the time.)

Do the Pigeon - Pigeon John (John is one of my favorite MC's ever. He has maybe the most original style on the planet. And he's smart. And he's hilarious. And his beats are awesome. "Hi my name is John I don't make a lot of money I'm a nice guy so I don't expect a lotta honey.")

Never Know - Jack Johnson (from In Between Dreams, which has probably my favorite JJ song, which of course is Banana Pancakes.)

Elite - The Deftones (wow. a lot of songs on this list that I haven't heard in a while. definitely one of my favorite all time hardcore bands. this song makes me want to headbutt a wall.)

Við spilum endalaust - Sigur Rós (title means "We Play Endlessly." I don't know what these guys are talking about, but they are good.)

Doomsday Stomp - Project 86 (speaking of andrew schwab...My friend Josh said he didn't like this album. My friend Josh is an idiot. Don't worry, I already told him.)

--my computer is feeling the heavy music today, epecially since i've been listening to a lot of singer songwriters lately--

In the Light - Led Zepplin (if there's anything i can say about Robert Plant, it's this: His album with Alison Krauss sucked and should not have won album of the year. /rant.)

Sabotage - Beastie Boys (Probably their most accessible song ever. Probably because it sounded less like rap and more like rock. Awesome song, though. And one of my favorite videos ever.)

Deportee (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos) - The Highwaymen (hmm...I'm trying to remember why I have this, other than Johnny Cash. Well, and Willie Nelson, but only for comedic purposes. I don't even know who Johnny Rodriguez is.)

Pay It Back - Elvis Costello (He is a legend and there's no doubt about it. But I love Mr. Costello for a different reason. He helped put the Fairfield Four, one of the oldest black gospel groups ever, on the map. They ended up being in (the movie) and on (the soundtrack of) O Brother Where Art Thou (they were the guys at the end that were digging the graves and singing). Costello heard them one year and invited them to play at his music festival in London, where they brought the house down. It's a good story, I know.)

Barracuda - People In Planes (I found out about this group from my friend Tysen. They are british, which doesn't surprise me, given how good they are. Plus, they have a song called "If You Talk Too Much My Head Will Explode." Heck, this song says "Don't Play Scuba with a Barracuda." How cool is that?)

Turn On Me - The Shins (I love this CD. I love this song. But, on a side note, reading the name of this song always makes me think of Take On Me by Aha.)

Sad Semester - Twothirtyeight (As much I like them, I don't know them very well. Jo loves them, though. And they are not a band anymore.)

The Boy's Gone - Jason Mraz (He's alright. Kristen is a fan. I do read his blog sometimes, though. It is linked down on the right.)

Dancing Nancies (live) - Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds (Their first live album was a huge hit. How come no one cares that they released another one? (this is Live at Radio City Music Hall))

C'mere - Interpol (I'm still ingesting these guys. I got into them a couple of years ago, when I flew to Hillary and Neil's, and I read a Paste magazine article about them.)

Hotel Yorba - The White Stripes (I. Do. Not. Like. Jack. White.)

Overall, not a bad shuffle. I think maybe I should go through my music and get rid of some crap though. Like Jack White. Yuck sandwich.

a good read

Don Miller wrote a great article today. Enjoy.

take a minute

and sign this. good fathers are getting screwed by our court system.



on a side note, i linked #killfatty on my blog roll on the right (you have to scroll down a little). also, i organized my links. i've added some good music blogs, so enjoy.

Maybe the best song of this year

Re: Stacks by Bon Iver

already revisiting history

although my mom's cancer is completely different from my dad's, and nowhere near as progressed, this weekend made me feel like it was two years ago, all over again. back when dad started his intense radiation and chemo treatments, i spent most weekends in chapel hill, sitting in his hotel room with him, doing nothing but watching TV and sleeping. this week, mom started her immunotherapy treatments and, due to the harshness of the side effects, she was very anxious and depressed, and had to stay medicated. this week i saw my mom burst into tears out of nowhere. i saw her three sheets to the wind on drugs. i saw her sleep an entire day. i saw her stare at a pill for 20 minutes, afraid to take it. and i slept next to her for an entire evening because she was scared to be alone.

you know, this actually may be worse. well, it feels worse anyway. dad's cancer was way worse, but this one is hitting me harder. unlike my dad, i have a relationship with my mom. a very close one. i already feel very very alone.

fuck you, cancer.

done and done

killfatty.blogspot.com

encouragements only.

actually, yeah, go ahead and make fun of me. i will use it for fuel.

:)

ah who am i kidding

no blog is worth paying for. this one is awesome. in the meantime, i did do something cool there that i am going to transfer to here. and that is #killfatty.

fatty = me.
me = veryveryfat
any questions?

over the last four years i have gained many many pounds due to never ever doing anything ever, with a little depression and an addiction to FAsT food sprinkled in the mix. so now i'm done with that.

I'm going to move #killfatty over to blogspot, where it belongs. i think i will start a separate one, instead of doing it here at Metal Heart/TheWardrobeDoor. i'll give a link soon. in the meantime, to give you an idea of the hell i just went through in the last 30 minutes. here is a copy of my last eight tweets:

~~If you have ever wondered what it's like to do a nasal wash,I will tell you: it's like drowning in the ocean. on purpose. 15 times.

~~Snotty salt water tastes awful. It also smells & sounds awful. When I squirted the nasal wash in my nose, it came out my mouth nose & ears.

~~You know what I love? Drowning. On purpose. By hand. 15 times.

~~Two of my last four posts were very similar. Nearly drowning
by hand on purpose kinda makes you go crazy.

~~I'm starting to think maybe I should just enjoy my sinus
troubles and never do that again. ::shudder::

~~Worst feeling ever: Feeling like you have saltwater in your
eyeballs, whilST living four hours from any beach.

~~I mean, how do you almost drown while standing up in your
bathroom?

~~HAHA! I think I will try the nasal wash on my dog Hobbes. #owsombodygetmeabitekitiambleeding

Well anyway, enough is enough. Goodnight all. DON'T use a nasal wash unless you ABSOLUTELY have to.

The end.

new blog

make the change, people. i may not come back to this one.

pjsteed.squarespace.com

how busy am i?

SO busy. friday i took over the conference room, almost by myself. we have 344 students, and i have to do all this work to enter them into the system and create files on them and yadda yadda yadda. it's kinda stressful, but not so much that it kills me. what makes life SUPER busy is driving up to Athens as much as possible. i went twice this week (wednesday night and friday night), and i was driving back i was already thinking about how many times i was going to come up again this week. mom's drain tube comes out thursday morning, and she says i don't have to come to that, because next monday is a new CAT scan and next tuesday is a visit to the oncologist. guess i better keep my car in good shape.

top 5 places i hope to visit by september
1. chicago
2. seattle
3. las vegas
4. phoenix
5. cohutta

three for five would be outstanding.

acetyl­seryl­tyrosyl­seryl­iso­leucyl­threonyl­seryl­prolyl­seryl­glutaminyl­phenyl­alanyl­valyl­phenyl­alanyl­leucyl­seryl­seryl­valyl­tryptophyl­alanyl­aspartyl­prolyl­isoleucyl­glutamyl­leucyl­leucyl­asparaginyl­valyl­cysteinyl­threonyl­seryl­seryl­leucyl­glycyl­asparaginyl­glutaminyl­phenyl­alanyl­glutaminyl­threonyl­glutaminyl­glutaminyl­alanyl­arginyl­threonyl­threonyl­glutaminyl­valyl­glutaminyl­glutaminyl­phenyl­alanyl­seryl­glutaminyl­valyl­tryptophyl­lysyl­prolyl­phenyl­alanyl­prolyl­glutaminyl­seryl­threonyl­valyl­arginyl­phenyl­alanyl­prolyl­glycyl­aspartyl­valyl­tyrosyl­lysyl­valyl­tyrosyl­arginyl­tyrosyl­asparaginyl­alanyl­valyl­leucyl­aspartyl­prolyl­leucyl­isoleucyl­threonyl­alanyl­leucyl­leucyl­glycyl­threonyl­phenyl­alanyl­aspartyl­threonyl­arginyl­asparaginyl­arginyl­isoleucyl­isoleucyl­glutamyl­valyl­glutamyl­asparaginyl­glutaminyl­glutaminyl­seryl­prolyl­threonyl­threonyl­alanyl­glutamyl­threonyl­leucyl­aspartyl­alanyl­threonyl­arginyl­arginyl­valyl­aspartyl­aspartyl­alanyl­threonyl­valyl­alanyl­isoleucyl­arginyl­seryl­alanyl­asparaginyl­isoleucyl­asparaginyl­leucyl­valyl­asparaginyl­glutamyl­leucyl­valyl­arginyl­glycyl­threonyl­glycyl­leucyl­tyrosyl­asparaginyl­glutaminyl­asparaginyl­threonyl­phenyl­alanyl­glutamyl­seryl­methionyl­seryl­glycyl­leucyl­valyl­tryptophyl­threonyl­seryl­alanyl­prolyl­alanyl­serine.

Just in case you were wondering, that's pretty much the longest word ever. You're welcome.

i just realized

that last post, the one where i'm shilling for money for Paste Magazine, was my 22nd post of the year. a feeble effort so far, yes (except for january), but also the same number of posts that I made all of last year. and now i've beat last year's total.

SUCK IT, 2008.

just do it

boldly

Incantations and Exaltations

when i was in symphonic band in high school, one year we played two songs called 'incantations' and 'exaltations.' they were really awesome. i wish i knew how to find them and listen to them, because i haven't heard them since then, and they were really good.

the last month has been pretty eventful. on march 31st, i got laid off from my job at Organization Automobile (that's not the real name, but a clue as to what the name is). it was actually kind of funny, because i had been planning on leaving, and if they had let me go, they wouldn't have had to pay me severance. as it was, they DID pay me severance, and as a bonus, taxed the hell out of it so it wouldn't last NEARLY as long as it should have. not only that, but i can't file for unemployment until my severance agreement is over, which will be two mondays from yesterday. oh and my severance money is WAY already almost gone.

well, randomly, about two weeks after getting laid off, i got a call from my old job at workforce development in thomson. i worked there for three-and-a-half months from november '03 to february '04, before getting laid off due to budget cuts. they called me out of the blue and said "we don't know if you are working or not, but we've got some stimulus money and could use some help." so, as of april 16th, i've been working there. basically, i'm helping "at risk" yutes (youTHs) get job skills, get their GEDs, and get into the workforce. it's pretty crazy, and a 40 minute commute, and right now it's only temporary (90 days). after that, we'll see.

so, when i got laid off, i was thinking, "hey, this could be my opportunity to leave for chicago." it just so happened that, the week i was laid off, i had been fasting a lot of my distractions (tv, dvd's, music, facebook) in order to pray and figure out what i was doing. i thought my being laid off may have been a clear signal, but that wouldn't be the case. we found out the day i got laid off that my mom's melanoma had come back. that's why, when the call came for this new job, i decided to take the 90 days and figure out what's going on with her. currently, she's just had a biopsy on a second spot, which came back benign. so she will have an extraction of the melanoma spot on her back on may 29th. keep her in your prayers.

i've still got my nose pointed at chicago, but i really don't know what's going to happen. it's been a long, very difficult month, but here we are.

cheers!

I think they knew I needed to laugh

While at home in Athens this weekend, my dog Hobbes treed a squirrel. But he treed it on a telephone pole. The squirrel tried to come back down, but Hobbes was relentless. So the squirrel scrambled to the very tip top of the pole and sat there. I found it odd that he never tried to run across one of the eight wires on the pole when he J U M P E D off of the pole all the way to the ground. But Hobbes, tracker that he is followed him down and dove on him. But just like in a cartoon, the squirrel got away and SCRAMBLED BACK UP THE POLE! By then my mom had come out to watch, just in time to see him do it again! I guess Hobbes couldn't believe it either, because somehow the little guy got away. Hobbes came trotting back over, not really bothered by it and I was like, "dude, seriously. how'd you let him get away." Hobbes was like, "that guy jumped off the top of a telephone pole TWICE and LIVED. Catch him yourself."

But I didn't.

Relaxing in Statesboro...

It's noon on Saturday and I'm sitting in Statesboro waiting on Andy Park. Andy is a songwriter that wrote one of my favorite worship songs. He is speaking at a conference in Augusta this weekend, but because of flight delays, he's a day late.

Life has been pretty hectic for the last month. Work has been one gigantic stressball, and I lost almost all of my employees. I only have two of my original people left. Plus they cut out all of our overtime, so I've been pinching pennies. Yay for me.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying a Vanilla Italian Cream Soda at a cool little place called Latte Da, right next to Georgia Southern. Cheers!

one year later

last year, DC comics had an event called "one year later" where they had this huge event and then moved forward one year in the next issue without saying what had happened over the year. i wish i could just snap my fingers and it be one year later, maybe just to see where i am.

the thing that's been happening at work just continues to get worse. i'm down to three people, and i expect to lose one more before the week is over. this is just infuriating and it's taking my frustration to new levels.

so, it's been a year. one hellish year. i didn't even have a spare moment to think about it today, until i was at my bible study tonight. i'm too busy to take five minutes and remember my dad. oh well. i'm thinking about him right now, and it's actually making me feel better. nice.

cheers, Pop.

ps - everyone wish me luck at the gastroenterologist's office next week.

of COURSE

as soon as i say something about it, it happens even more.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
being the boss at work it not fun. last week i had 15 people reporting to me. now i have nine. two weeks from now i'll have eight, maybe six. it's nice to be on top, but you soon realize you're only on top of your own little pile, which is at the foot of a much larger pile. ironically, being on top also means feeling the weight of everything. maybe it's just me.

i do know i could do without the stress.



UPDATE: make that possibly four people X(

my number 2 worst fear realized

(and no, i don't mean my "poop" worst fear. haha. number 2.)

(i really am 30, y'all.)

so, in leaving town for two days this weekend, i missed two parties and a bunch of games and hanging out. i hate missing out on things. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate even FEELING like i'm missing out. so knowing ahead of time is 10 times worse. grrrgh!

(oh snap. apparently morgan freeman and kenny chesney are friends. don't reread that sentence. you read it right the first time.)

so this weekend, i went to my mom again. this time, my brother painted her bathroom while i hung shelves over the new washer and dryer. we are good sons, i know.

before i go, here's why the grammys suck:
1. they don't acknowledge that leroi moore passed away this year in the long tribute.
2. taylor swift/miley cyrus duet.
3. thinking that the jonas bros should be on stage with stevie wonder.
4. nominating kid rock for ANYTHING.
5. allowing green day or blink 182 on the stage.
6. giving album of the year and record of the year to allison krauss and robert plant. that crap SUCKED.

why the grammys should continue on forever:
1. b.b. king, john mayer, buddy guy, and keith urban (yes, i said it. no, i won't take it back) jamming onstage together.
2. dave grohl playing drums with sir paul.
3. a very pregnant m.i.a. doing her awesome song with kanye, lil wayne, t.i., and jay-z.
4. alan toussaint and a new orleans jazz band jamming with lil wayne and robin thicke.
5. leona lewis. purrr.

and probably the best thing i've seen in a long time:
6. RADIOHEAD doing '15 Steps' with the U of Southern Cal marching band. amazing!!

so, my taxes are done, my car is fixed. hopefully i'll sell my camper soon and find a job, and it will be time to fly the coop.

creativity

Her Morning Elegance/Oren Lavie

saturday nights and sunday mornings

i love counting crows. i love adam duritz.

that album sucks.

sigh.

so what's up with all you bloggers? it's like you lost your new year's resolve to blog. let's get those posts rolling! not only am i blogging more now, i'm commenting more now, too. so all my fellow comment-whores need to step up.

thanks to sara, i'm very excited about rosi golan. i'm also REexcited about sam cooke. sara sent me a couple of new mix discs, and they are great! (as i knew they would be) i'll give the playlists soon, but i'll say that rosi golan is special. the song that i've been listening to over and over is called "hazy" and it features william fitzsimmons (who i am infatuated with). also, i was reminded of how much i love soul music when i heard sam cooke's "a change is gonna come." slow, powerful soul is just gut-wrenching to me.

anyways, it's been a pretty good january. have an even better february everybody!

it's almost like they're making it up

this is the funniest thing on the internet.

cheers.

wicked awesome fog

i took this on saturday night.

i was out trolling for food.

i thought it was beautiful.

nom nom nom

i'm going to binge eat tonight. any suggestions on some good food for me?

trying not to think about it

My dad has been on my mind all day. Today is his birthday. He would have been 64. I thought about him most of the day, and it was kind of nice that we had snowfall until three in the afternoon. He really is always in the back of my mind. I can't help but think about him when I come home, because I have lots of his things, and an amazing pencil drawing of me and him from when I was nine, masterfully done by Kristen. So needless to say, I missed him more tonight when I got home from dinner with some friends. It's not really sadness. I just miss him. It's all very strange, because we didn't have that great of a relationship. But what we went through his last couple of years was very tough and powerful, and it still resonates.

Happy 64th, Pop.

snowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnowsnow!!!

snoooowwww!!! yayayayayay yes yay!!!!














it's not a lot, it doesn't stick, and it's not that cold. but DANGIT it's exciting.

What kind of day has it been

If anyone gets the reference in my title, you get a dollar. Kristen excluded.
It's monday night. It's 10. I'm watching Bill. Bill Cosby Himself. Without hesitation, I will say he is the greatest. Even Chris Rock said it. Rolling Stone asked Chris who the funniest standup of all time was, and he said, "I know I'm supposed to say Richard Pryor, but I have to say Bill Cosby. Pryor was great, but people do imitations of him, and some of them are good. But nobody imitates Cosby. You can't" (paraphrased) Love it love it love it.

So, after going to work at 5 am on Saturday morning and working almost 10 hours, I attempted to rest yesterday. And I did, to a degree. So for some idiotic reason, I decide to get up and go to work an hour early this morning. You know, so I can play on the internet more. And it was a long day. And I got to five o'clock and I was getting up to leave and go to the gym and work off the PizzaHut from lunch. And suddenly, I couldn't find my keys. I checked my pockets 100,000 times. I looked through my desk. I looked through other people's desks. I looked around the track. I looked in the bathrooms. I looked in the MTS room. I looked in the refrigerator. I looked in the trash can. And I found them. In the pocket of the fleece vest that I was wearing under my coat. O_o

So I took out my frustration on the elliptical machine at the gym.

And I got over it.

PS - I realized tonight, maybe for the first time, that there are some people (aside from my family) that are REALLY going to miss me. Happy and sad is a strange mix.

this is how it started

i'm cleaning my room and minimizing my massive pile of stuff this week. this is how my room looked when i started. it's even worse off screen.

yikes.



so far, two huge bags of clothes for goodwill and a large bag of trash for...the...trashcan. does anyone have some of those vacuum bags that i can shrink all my stuff with?

put your feet up. make yourself at home.

like my new look? i've been moody and pensive lately, and therefore "hey presto feng shui!!" here's my new-looking blog.

it's kinda becoming the center of my interweb universe. most of the stuff i used to have bookmarked in my browser is now in my fun sidebar. let me give you a tour of the new, fresh-to-deathness.

picture: that picture is one that kristen took of The Second City box office when we were waiting to get in. "metal heart" is a wonderful song by cat power, but i heard it when pedro the lion covered it. the other two lines are from pedro's song "june 18, 1976." that's basically just me being moody and depressing. i AM feeling a lot better though.

bio line: i actually came up with this because i was sitting around one night thinking about what i could offer in the way of entertainment, and a list of things i do or attempt to do came out. i was going to put "eater" twice, but that didn't really make sense. not that any of it does.

ingestion: this came from allconsuming, a fun site where you can keep up with things you are watching, reading, and listening to, and find out about other good stuff from other people. this is mostly so you can see it and go, "man, he's cool." except for Will, because he's reading from an rss feed and doesn't see the page. (still love you, though. that's a nice little 10px gap there between the body and the sidebar.)

perusal: there's no new blogs listed in my blogroll, but i've been looking around for some good stuff to read, and they'll be there soon.

other coolness: this is my favorite new stuff in the sidebar. i'm very happy to have found donald miller's blog. he's one of my favorite writers. also i found the blog for postsecret. i first found out about post secret last summer when i was visiting rodger and angela in chapel hill, and we were looking around this store waiting for the Dark Knight to start. the guy basically started this project where people send him postcards with secrets on them, and he publishes them anonymously. very heartbreaking and surreal. i teared up while i was looking through the book. IHTFAF is one of my favorite indie music blogs, especially since he's a fan of bazan. there are lots of artist interviews and show downloads and stuff on there. black cab sessions is a new favorite that i got from Will on twitter, so don't miss that. i'll be constantly adding music and photography and other coolness as i find it. but look through all those. they're good.

hilarity: i've had three of those up a long time, and they are still fun. but if you aren't reading xkcd, then hit yourself on the head with a tack hammer. nerdery and comedy combine. failblog is just people falling down and being morons, and that's ALWAYS funny. you can also get to lolcats through there, which is just the cutest thing ever. ahem. scl is a pretty funny take on stuff white people like, so give that a read, too.

so far, the new year has found me a fairly chatty cathy. hopefully, if i'm boring you to death, you can and least find other stuff here to interest you.

cheers.

it's perfect for my o.c.d.

so, i'm at work today. and i always listen to music while i'm at work. and since i live in georgia, most people here hate my music. so i have on headphones. well, about 15 minutes ago i put on my headphones and, not feeling any one particular style of music today, i put my entire catalog on shuffle. and i looked down and there are exactly TEN. THOUSAND. SONGS. i feel awesome.

here's the first 25 of what played (skipping intro tracks and stuff like that):

enigma - miles davis (great way to start it off)
thetawaves - system of a down
hope to carry on - caedmon's call
just jammin' again - dave matthews band
come on eileen - dexy's midnight runners
side with the seeds - wilco
sabrosa - beastie boys (man, i need to pull that album out again)
mr. jones (live) - counting crows
whisper to a scream - icicle works (i LOVE 80's music...don't tell)
put back the stars - blindside
lovely 2 c u - goldfrapp (i know the song name is wank, but that's an awesome group)
find the river - r.e.m. (ha! this song sounds like 'stay' by lisa loeb when it first starts)
exit music (for a film) - radiohead (my last year of college, i would go to sleep at night with radiohead playing)
money for nothing - dire straits (one of the first videos i ever remember seeing on MTV)
dancing nancies - dave matthews band (EARLY version)(also one of the few dave songs i can play on guitar)
out of my mind - john mayer trio (let me just say, john is THE guitarist of our generation)
sma - chevelle
together - the raconteurs (i still don't think jack white is anything special)
port of entry - vigilantes of love (one of the many v.o.l. songs i had never heard before)
flora's secret - enya (i honestly don't know why)
water - lauryn hill (from the amazing unplugged album)
walk on - u2 (meh)
war within a breath - rage against the machine (i have to thank rodger for this...i never would have listened to this if not for his influence)
star slight - at the drive in
whoomp! there it is - tag team (i'm so happy this list ended on this song)

chris rock once said that 'livin' la vida loca' was the puerto rican 'whoomp there it is.' for the sake of the puerto rican people, i hope not.

happy saturday!

my mid-life crises

i was going to put crisises. you know, just to be funny.

(DISCLAIMER: this is really depressing. it's also a continuation of some stuff i talked about two posts ago)

in 2008, i turned 30. and it was no big deal. really. oh, i made the normal dread-being-30 jokes and old man quips and what have you. but really, when it happened, i just woke up and went to work and it was no big deal (actually i didn't go to work because i took two days off. HA!) i had so many other things to worry about at that time, and i honestly didn't feel any different. and now, suddenly, i'm having a combination of panic attacks about how short life is, and feelings of utter hopelessness. for the past couple of months, i have been surprised by a fear of dying. i think, "i'm 30. and that 30 went by FAST. and what if i die when i'm 60? then i only have 30 more years to do EVERYTHING. and what if the second 30 is quicker than the first 30? and what if it takes 10 years to get anywhere with acting, and then i only have 20 years? or God forbid the acting thing doesn't take off at all, and then i will be..." and on and on and on.

what if i get there and realize i was only kidding myself? you know, like i've kidded myself about everything else.

last night, at our bible study group, we talked about what from 2008 we wanted to leave behind. i didn't answer, because what was i going to say? everything? well, not EVERYthing. there were good points. but a lot of it. and then we talked about what were striving for in this coming year. i realized, as i was thinking about that question, that i have never in my life felt hopeless. until now. it's an odd mixture of bad choices and regret and hesitation and failure and guilt, which wouldn't have a hold on me if not for the fact that i let it build and fester and grow. and it has sucked the joy out of life. i'm basically not excited about the things that i'm usually excited about.

and really, i'm not hopeless. and i'm not scared to die. and i'm not worried about being an actor. i just get these...momentary lapses. i'm talking, like, 127 seconds of panic! on the couch. in that brief time, the world is collapsing and nothing will go right and there is no way i'll ever get out of this - this - this whatever it is. but life goes on and the moments pass and soon i get back to the excitement of...waiting.

chicago can't come soon enough. maybe i'll just go this weekend.

they complement each other

over the last year, there has been one pair of songs that i always play together whenever i hear them. if either one comes on in a playlist, even if it is a shuffled playlist, i will un-shuffle, go back to the first one, and play them together. and then i move on. you should try it. you probably already have.

tiny vessels
transatlanticism

(not the actual videos)

they are like one song to me. it probably helps that vessels carries over on the album. i can't think of another pair of songs that come back-to-back on an album that i absolutely HAVE to hear together. there may be some, but i've never NOT listened to these two together.

that's weird, wild stuff.

the new year yah-yah's

it's better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.

once again, we're back on this side of the sun. things are changing. i'm sure you notice my new blog look. kristen did that photo up for me, and it is pretty much the most awesome. it's a picture of the outside of The Second City. (btw, if anyone knows how to center that photo on the page, let me know.)

i am currently writing from the couch. yesterday morning, right before i left for work, i began vomiting my guts out. i ended up going to the doctor and getting some drugs and stuff, and i've been in bed ever since.

i don't feel very reflective anymore. perhaps that's why i haven't been posting as much. i don't feel hopeful about this year, probably because i can't move or breathe and i haven't gotten up in 20 hours. or maybe because this last year went so badly. i often worry about making the wrong choices. i'm worried that i should go to new york instead of chicago, or that i shouldn't go at all. or maybe that i should do theater instead of improv. i guess the fear of the unknown makes you question yourself. and your motives.

at best, this year will be the launching pad for me getting where i want to go. at worst, well, i'll be sitting right where i am, having never tried.


-------------------------------------------------
Losing the star without a sky
Losing the reasons why
You're losing the calling that you've been faking
And i'm not kidding

It's damned if you don't and it's damned if you do
Be true 'cause they'll lock you up in a sad sad zoo
Oh hidy hidy hidy what cha tryin to prove
By hidy hidy hiding you're not worth a thing

Sew your fortunes on a string
And hold them up to light
Blue smoke will take
A very violent flight
And you will be changed
And everything
And you will be in a very sad sad zoo.

I once was lost but now i'm found
Was blind but now I see you
How selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming

Metal heart you're not hiding
Metal heart you're not worth a thing

-Cat Power